Home. A place of belonging. Where you feel like you’re most yourself. A sense of security and comfort.
I’m 35 years old and I have no idea where home is. Right now, the overwhelming thing I feel is just lost. I feel adrift. I have no sense of what anything is right now.
I’m sure part of that is related to my parents divorce. Part of that is because I just moved cross country. Part of it because I don’t have a job. Part of that is because I don’t have a long-term place to stay.
But it feels bigger and deeper than that.
I don’t have any real answers or sense of where I’m going. I don’t know what I want. I just feel adrift.
Maybe that’s a good thing. I have low expectations. I’m willing to go anywhere.
Something needs to happen soon. I say that like I have any control over anything. I don’t. But it does. I say that more as a plead, prayer and a desperate cry. Something. I need insight, clarity, wisdom and guidance.
I have moments where I can rest in the knowledge that God will take care of me. I have times when I feel at peace surrounded by his love. I also have moments where this feeling of intense disconnect threatens to choke me.
I’m gonna go eat some chocolate.