Home. A place of belonging. Where you feel like you’re most yourself. A sense of security and comfort.

I’m 35 years old and I have no idea where home is. Right now, the overwhelming thing I feel is just lost.  I feel adrift. I have no sense of what anything is right now.

I’m sure part of that is related to my parents divorce. Part of that is because I just moved cross country. Part of it because I don’t have a job. Part of that is because I don’t have a long-term place to stay.

But it feels bigger and deeper than that.

I don’t have any real answers or sense of where I’m going. I don’t know what I want. I just feel adrift.

Maybe that’s a good thing. I have low expectations. I’m willing to go anywhere.

No idea.

Something needs to happen soon. I say that like I have any control over anything. I don’t. But it does. I say that more as a plead, prayer and a desperate cry. Something. I need insight, clarity, wisdom and guidance.

I have moments where I can rest in the knowledge that God will take care of me. I have times when I feel at peace surrounded by his love. I also have moments where this feeling of intense disconnect threatens to choke me.

I’m gonna go eat some chocolate.


About Marti

After a year-long sabbatical in Southern California I am returning to Ohio to try and resume my life. Who knew you went home again to start living.

Posted on May 18, 2010, in About Me and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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