Transitions and New Beginnings

In many ways I viewed coming back to Southern California, coming home. This is where I lived for 15 years. This is where my closest friends are. This is where I feel most like me. In essence this is where I grew up. This is where they have wonderful non-chain restaurants.

Yet, coming back has been wonderful and more difficult than I thought. A lot has happened in the last two years. I’m not saying you can’t go home again, but I wasn’t prepared for the adjustment.

Ah yes adjustment, that could be why I keep dreaming of fake weddings which are ironically about death, the end of an era so to speak. That is definitely the case for me.

Coming here is a great new beginning, not just a continuation of the life I longed for while I was in Ohio. That life is over. Friends move on, get married, have babies, move away, or you just have less in common. It happens.

So this is a new beginning. With new beginnings comes awkwardness, uncertainty, fear, exhilaration, nervousness, and risk. Yet there is also much anticipation for what will be and what I am becoming.

One of the great things about this time, before I find a job, is that I am having a chance to reconnect with people that weren’t as big a part in my old life. I had coffee with a friend I haven’t seen since college. It was great. I’m also meeting new people and am actually going to church. I’m having a chance to reconnect with God, outside of the bubble that is my family and all of the baggage that entails. I like it when its just me and God. I am finally able to reconnect with his love for me. I couldn’t feel it there for a while.

All of this means that I am slowly getting back to me and coming back alive. I feel like I’ve been sleeping, surviving, and enduring, that is not living. I’m scared out of my mind about many things but I’m finally getting some traction and moving forward. I am grateful for this time of reflection, healing and rejuvenation. So much to process. So much to decide. So much to absorb. While I’m starting to worry about finding a job, I know this time is sacred. I wasn’t ready to jump into a job when I first got here. I’m getting there.

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About Marti

After a year-long sabbatical in Southern California I am returning to Ohio to try and resume my life. Who knew you went home again to start living.

Posted on April 21, 2010, in Dreaming, Psychobabbling, Spiritual Formation and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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