Hard to believe I’m leaving in two days.
Hard to believe I’ve been here for two years.
I am so scattered right now. I don’t think I’ve really stopped to process anything. I really only decided to leave six weeks ago. But like taking off a band-aid I knew I needed to leave quickly or I wouldn’t do it. As much as I don’t like living in Ohio, the role I play here is a very familiar one. In many ways I’m leaving that as much as anything else.
Yet as I sit here at 1:26 a.m. packing random crap in boxes I’m feeling anxious, scared, nervous, sadness and fear. There are at least eight other emotions in there as well, but those are the top six. I’m sure they’re all normal.
Leaving Ohio is very different from leaving CA. There isn’t a fanfare. No goodbye tour. No big to do. Instead I said goodbye to those that meant the most to me and just want to leave quietly.
I’m not sad I’m leaving. I just wish things were different. I’m not leaving like I thought I would. Nothing about these two years has been normal. It’s just bittersweet, the whole experience.
Debbie, my friend who will be driving back with me, is arriving tomorrow. I have a ton of last minute errands, packing and preparation to do.