Five Love Languages for Singles – Acts of Service

The third love language we studied is acts of service.

The love language of service is one of sacrifice and help in a time of need. This is best exemplified through Jesus, and that is what we focused on in our group. Tina did a great job leading our discussion.

We listed all of the acts of service that Jesus performed and received during the three years of his ministry: healing the sick, raising the dead, washing feet, feeding five thousand, educated the masses and dying on the cross, just to name a few. He was among the least of them, the most needy and meet their basic, most pressing needs. Thinking about how Jesus received was a new tangle for me. He received water from the woman at the well. Another woman used expensive perfume to clean his feet. Martha served him when he was in her home. So this is a love language he knew well.

Acts of service is a way of expressing a sense of responsibliity for the well-being of others.

As with all of the gifts there is a shadow side, how it can be distorted to be negative and unhealthy. For acts of service its underbelly is slavery. In slavery you are not giving because you want to but because you have to. In slavery “freedom to truly serve is lost. Slavery hardens the heart. Slavery creates angelr, bitterness, and resentment.” This isn’t love.

When you treat another person as an object, you preclude the possibility of love. Manupulation by guilt (‘If you loved me, you would do this for me’) is not the language of love. Coercion by fear (‘You will do this or you will be sorry’) is alient to love. Love refuses to be manipulated.

I have to admit this love language is really hard for me, not to give but to receive. I think I’ve got too much experience with the black side of acts of service. For me it means vulnerability and weakness. I do not like to be needy. If I can’t do it myself I don’t really need it. Making a need be known is really an effort. If someone asks to help that’s one thing. But having to ask is quite another. This is definitely an area I need to work on.

It’s interesting that when God reveals a weakness he will continue to work on it for you. In another study this idea of vulnerability through acts of service came up again. This time it went futher to say that the inability to ask for help is evidence of a stubborn pride preventing us from letting go and asking God for help. So instead of growing, changing and maturing we cling to lifestyle that doesn’t work for us anymore but we’re suck because we operate in our own power never asking for help. Yikes. Definitely need to look at that some more.

Still, acts of service is definitely not my primary love language.


About Marti

After a year-long sabbatical in Southern California I am returning to Ohio to try and resume my life. Who knew you went home again to start living.

Posted on September 24, 2007, in Reading, Single Serving, Spiritual Formation and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. I am curious to know what the love languages are?

    I remember reading the original love languages book – egads – ten years ago? – and really appreciating the insight the author provided.

    Like you I have a hard time receiving from others, especially asking for help as I do not want to be a burden to anyone.

    This is all very interesting insight and reading, Marti … thank you for sharing. 🙂

  2. Yea this is proving to be a great book for our group. I’m really enjoying it. The five languages are: words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time and physical touch.

  3. I finished reading Gary’s book and primarily was trying to figure out my beloved daughter-in-law’s love language. I am fairly sure it is “acts of service” as she’s such a good wife and mother in the way she takes care of her home, baby and my son. She doesn’t respond, really, to my primary language, gifts( handknits, for example). I am stumped to figure out what ways of “acts of service” to do that would “talk” to her in her language as she’s such an independent person and doesn’t ask for or typically want help(prefers to do it all on her own), just like you mentioned for yourself. Any suggestions?

  4. Hmmm… I would probably just ask her. What kind of relationship do you have with her? Are you close? Do you struggle communicating otherwise? That will also determine if she’s open to receiving love from you regardless of if its her love language or not.

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