Five Love Languages for Singles: Words of Affirmation

In my small group right now we’re reading, The Five Love Languages for Singles, by Gary Chapman.

The premise is that we all give and receive love in one of five languages (words of affirmation, gifts, physical touch, quality time or acts of service). The goal is to determine your primary love language, while learning to speak all of them to a healthy degree to those important to you. This will in turn help to strengthen and build relationships.

No, the love languages don’t change for singles but how they are executed must be done in context. For example, physical touch, as Christians we can’t claim that’s your primary love language and start engaging in premarital activities. It doesn’t work that way.

Being single gives us the time to delve into our pasts, root out what was passed onto us from our families and learn things differently or be grateful for the foundation that our parents have given to us. So in that regard learning to speak the five languages while single is easier. We are also learning healthy ways to communicate care and love to each other in many different ways.

We are on the first love language: Words of Affirmation. For some this comes naturally. This is a tough one for me. I am much more well versed in words of sarcasm and cynicism.

But our words are powerful and show the condition of our hearts. Yikes. I still have some digging to do. So I’m trying to make a conscious effort to tell those around me how much I appreciate and value them. It just isn’t natural for me to do that.

To help us get into the habit our leader had us practice on each other. Wow! What an amazing experience. When you focus on the positive and speak words of appreciation you are speaking power into someone’s life. I know I felt it. It gave me a boost for my week. It colored my perception of myself just a little bit differently.

We all have our own unique perspective and when we pass on positive truth in a sincere way it is life affirming. It affirms their worth. Imagine the difference that can make in someone’s life when you love them that way because maybe you are sharing something they haven’t seen, something they thought was taken for granted or something they didn’t feel was of value.

I still have to practice. It makes me feel awkward, vulnerable and silly sometimes. But that is making it about me instead of focusing on the other person.

So I am learning to notice others in a new way and seeking out opportunities to express love in this way. Maybe one day I will be fluent.

I have trouble trusting others, so I don’t think words of affirmation is my primary love language.


About Marti

After a year-long sabbatical in Southern California I am returning to Ohio to try and resume my life. Who knew you went home again to start living.

Posted on September 13, 2007, in Psychobabbling, Reading, Single Serving. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. I think that the book is a great one to read with a group. I read itand wish I would have had a group of people to talk it over with.

  2. Yea reading it with a group is a really differet experience. It’s great to practice with each other 🙂

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