Single Dating

Any discussion about singles must include dating. I’m going to avoid the typical conversation including such things as kissing dating goodbye, the purity line and other boundaries that are important to talk about but not today.

Instead let’s talk about dating as an activity. What we go through to obtain a date, enjoy a date and endure while dating. This reveals that by in large we are an optomistic people. In our 30s I say we lose the naivete that says every date could be the one but gosh darn it we keep throwing ourselves out there. We want to believe that we will find love. So we endure a lot – the good, the bad and the ridiculous.

Let’s face it, dating is absurd. You are spending quality time with a virtual stranger. This is time you could be spending with friends, cleaning, or organizing your sock drawer. Yet again and again we do it over and over. Not always for the right motives. Not always thinking its going to last forever.

Erika and I used to give alternative names to the guys I was going out with. We knew they weren’t going to last beyond a few dates so what’s the point of learning their real names. We had boat boy (cause he had a boat), elevator boy (we met in an elevator) and GH (for reasons that shall go untold). Sometimes the things that happen on dates are too ridiculous to be believed and you have to laugh, other dating occurrences are just painful and you have to keep them to yourself. Bottom line dating is mostly about the stories you get to tell your friends afterwards.

I once went on a date with someone I knew from work. He was 45 minutes late and his first comment was, “I hope you’re not hungry cause I stopped at the drive-thru on my way over.” He stopped to eat, what the heck, he asked me out. I’d hung out with this guy before and had no idea why he turned into a creep. We ended up at Dave and Busters, he got so engrossed in the video games he had no idea I was there. I actually left him while he was playing. I got tired of trying to talk to him. We were chilly to each other at work after that. He told his friends I was the one who changed.

All dates aren’t bad. I had a fabulous one in Phoenix, AZ. I met a guy at a trade show and we flew to AZ to hang out for the day. It was the best date I’ve ever had. We rode bikes, talked for hours, visited an old western town and ate Chinese food. I felt like I was finally getting to date like in the movies. All we needed was to set our day to music and it would have been a montage.

One avenue that has proved to be quite interesting and requiring its own set of rules is online dating. I am going to publicly confess that I have done it. I have experimented with e-harmony and match.com. Now I have to say e-harmony lured me in by the free personality profile. I am a sucker for self awareness. Few like to admit that they have partaken in this activity. For some reason there is still an faint smell of loserness associated with online dating. It doesn’t matter that most everyone does. It doesn’t matter than Neil Clark Warren is trying to base it on science and compatibility. It doesn’t even really matter that some people meet their future spouses there.

Online dating is a crap shoot. You may shun gambling in Vegas but every time you go online to find a date you are rolling the dice. Online you are often seeing one dimension of the person, the image they want to project. We’re talking higher deception that the typical honeymoon of dating usually allows for. I mean it’s normal to put your best foot and face forward in the beginning of a relationship, but online we can become the person we always wanted to be. This is our philosophical self instead of our real self.

I met someone from eharmony who told me that he was 24 (I was 26 at the time), a grad student at Cal State Northridge and lived with roommates. In reality he was 19, just started college and lived with his mommy.

UGH! As we get older it is harder and harder to meet people, so online dating is tempting. I have another friend that views it as a database of men. She fills out her criteria and presto chango someone who could be her soul mate pops up for the taking. So there you go.

Dating, it’s an animal. Sometimes I wonder if we should go back to arranged marriages, then we could at least blame our parents if it doesn’t work out. Why do we torture ourselves like this?

For the off chance it’s going to be amazing. You know those times. When you meet someone and time flies. They like the same things we like, want the same things we do, are capable of a great conversation, have a good sense of humor, and on top of that there is chemistry, which means they might like you back. LOL that’s the killer. That is the miracle of dating that makes us keep trying.

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Posted on September 21, 2006, in Single Serving and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. in the end, it’s all story fodder, isn’t it?
    my nickel’s worth of input from the “other side” — if dating is a crap shoot, then marriage is an extremely high-stakes poker game. you strategise, you win some, you lose some. but when you’re all in — you either win big or lose bigger.

  2. Its not that different in OH…although guys here seem to really want the Barbie more than the Betty Crocker. And of course in church, its the Bible Barbie! 🙂

  3. LOL – so sad. Finding someone worth dating is difficult for men or women.

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