There are times in my life when God seems VERY far away. It feels like I’m praying and they never get farther than the ceiling.
Then are time where the air is electric and I feel like I’m just resting in his presence that seems to follow me everywhere.
That might seem weird but God is often found when we look for him and when we need him most. So yes that means he’s accessible all the time but given my streaks of independence and difficulty relying on his sustenance I tend to wander.
All that to say lately he’s been very near. I am in limboland waiting for my next step in life to begin. I know what I’m not doing but I’m not real clear on what I will be doing. Good thing I have great friends that are sustaining me through their faith cause I’m tired and weary. Through their confidence my faith is bolstered. Through their words of encouragement I am strengthened as I continue to wait.
It’s amazing how at these time of seeming dead ends that God helps us to wait. For me its the near constant stream of deadlines at work that help keep me focused as I wrap up my job.
Another way is through Starbuck’s cards. In Februrary work combined two buildings of people and stuff into one and there is not enough parking, so about 50 people volunteer to park off site. For their effort they get lots of little perks, such as gift certificates to Starbucks.
One of the guys who participates gives me all of his freebies. John is old enough to be my dad and is just a very genuine, caring person. We went to the same grad school. I introduced him to the wide wonderful world of blogging and we have great doctrinal conversations about Catholicism. I just really like him.
Today when he handed me his latest gift certificate I said thank you and asked why he gave them to me. He just smiled and said cause he wants to. No strings, just compassion. He is helping me wait, not through free cups of coffee but through friendship, care and concern.
It is these small moments of divinity in our humanity that make God seem nearer. I am suddenly more cognizant of these fleeting moments that often go unnoticed. How many did I miss? No idea but I know that right now they are sustaining me. It is how I know God is near, through those around me that show me love. Maybe I’m learning to develop gratitude for the little things that will help change my attitude enough to be ready for the big decisions.