Relationship Myths and Our True Selves
One of the few things that Joanna and I have ever fought about is Sex and the City.
Joanna, I have to say that you were right and that I realized that I needed to put that relationship fantasy to death.
See there are life lessons to be learned on televion.
Joanna and I went round and round about Carrie and Big’s relationship. She didn’t think he was the ideal person for Carrie. Her opinion was that he treated her like crap, broke her heart again and again and would never be the man she truly needs.
I thought he was romantic. I was convinced that she was really in love with him and that underneath it all he really loved her to. I was thrilled when, in the end, she chose him. He was definitely a better choice than the Russian.
But after numerous reruns showing the evolution of the relationship I have to say – Joanna was right. Big was a bastard and Carrie should have chosen Aidan. Why would I think that he was the right one for anyone? Why would I think someone so egocentric, emotionally unavailable and destructive was the right person for her. (Yes, I realize this is tv, but bear with me.)
I always wanted a Mr. Big. Someone to sweep into my life with a suave sophistication and apparently treat me like crap. I guess I was hoping that maybe some of his confidence, ambition and direction would rub off on me. At times I even had my very own version of the manipulating, self-centered, narcissistic personality that I interpreted as confidence and harmless cockiness. I didn’t realize that he got stronger from me because I lost myself in him.
I honestly thought I deserved that so I dated accordingly. But why? Why would I think that is what I deserved?
Today the light bulb went off and I figured out why. On Starting Over one of the housemates realizes that her true authentic self is covered with her issues and baggage, BUT that it isn’t altered, damaged, or destroyed. The being she was created to be is still there. It’s not gone. So it had nothing to do with the actual men I chose to date but with how I saw myself. They were who they were, but I wanted more. But before I could attract more I had to be more. I needed to get a new perspective on myself.
I thought I lost the chance to be who I was created to be by all my bad choices or by the things done to me, but its still there, I just have to uncover it.
What amazing freedom that is. The imprint of being made in God’s image with a glorious purpose in this life does not go away regardless of what we do or what happens to us. I thought that was lost forever that I was a broken vase and would forever have a leak no matter how hard I tried. I thought that I was forever changed, but that just isn’t true. I believed the lie that I was Humpty Dumpty and acted accordingly. So many times I settled for less. So many times I let myself be ruled by fear. So many times I beat myself up. So many times I was a doormat because I thought that is what I deserved. It was all a lie.
I think this was one of the major disconnects in my Christian walk. How could I relate to a whole and perfect God when I was so damaged and broken. I knew in my head that he could restore me but I was angry because I thought I’d always have scars. I always wondered who I could have been. But that is wrong thinking. I can still be that person and use my experience to benefit others. I am whole by the grace of God. Wow!