Thoughts About Ohio
I was able to see the city with new eyes. I hadn’t lived there since I was in the 5th grade, my perspective has changed a bit. For one everything seemed smaller 🙂 It is so different from Orange County and California in general. I mean its slower paced. The roads are smaller. People are friendlier. There is significantly less to do. Everyone owns a house, including teenagers. I mean the cost of real estate is so cheap it makes no sense to own a condo.
The pros and cons on both sides are significant.
I had a great time with my family I usually do. I breeze into town for a few days, have some laughs, and a few special meals later I’m back out. Could I handle being there everyday? My brother said I forgot what its like to be with my parents everyday? I get to see them with their visitor face on. Everyone, including me, is on their best behavior. We do all the big, fun things together. Would I be able to handle the monotony? He is the good child that stuck around and I am the prodigal wanting to go back. I am a novelty in Ohio to my family and other apparently. I even think I’m cuter there. I had guys talking to me all over the place, the supermarket, the airport … then gain maybe that is just friendliness I’m not used to in L.A.
In California I have zero family obligations. I come and go as I please. I haven’t lived near them for 10 years. I think i want to be on the family track – watch my nephews, bring my mom down out of the rafters, talk to my dad about ministry stuff. But daily? I know no one, what kind of life would I have? Most of the people my age are married and living in those inexpensive homes that abound with their 2.5 children. Being single is hard enough, single in the mid-west I think is a whole different type of experience.
I also realized that I can’t move back expecting to have the family I wanted in my childhood. I can’t expect them to suddenly know me, get me and totally understand why I do what I do. I would have to draw serious boundaries. I can’t be the people pleasing teenager I once was, adhering to their ideals of who I should be. But aha, therein lies an important thing – I need to be sure of who I am and what I want.
I have a feeling all of my restlessness will follow me to Ohio. I need to put old demons to rest and be settled in my own skin. Then I can be happy wherever I am.