To get away from all the insanity that is my life right now, I am heading west young man.
For the next two weeks I will be broadcasting directly from Southern California. I can’t wait. I need to see my peeps, the beach and eat delicious food. It’s gonna be awesome.
I am so grateful for this time. I am trying not too overplan it, just be flexible and schedule lots of downtime to think, write, take pictures and just be still. We’ll see how it goes.
Filed under: Things I love, Travelling , California, Get-A-way, southern california, travel
November 23, 2008 • 9:46 PM
This trip back to California has been great. It has been wonderful to re-connect with friends, spend time in the sun and relax a bit after weeks of hecticness back in Ohio. I’ve felt peaceful for the first time in weeks.
I’m sure its no surprise that I’ve wondered if I want to move back here. Do I really want to stay in Ohio? When I think about it I just feel sad. I love my family but I feel like I’m slowly dying there. I have even blurted out to both of my parents this week that I don’t want to go back. I know they weren’t shocked. I also know this leaves my dad in the lurch with the business. He depends on me for a lot but they both want me to do what makes me happy.
I remember the reasons I returned, to deal with some of the demons from my past, reconnect with family and figure out what it is I want to do with my life. I feel like I’ve accomplished some of those things.
But even as I contemplate the possibility of moving somewhere else, I don’t know what I’m moving towards. I still don’t have a definitive career path. I still don’t have a goal for my life. So would I be returning with many of the same questions I left with?
Now I’m confused, sad, and emotional. I don’t feel like I really belong anywhere. I don’t have a sense of home in any place. I’m always wishing I were somewhere else. When I’m with my wonderful friends I miss my family. When I’m with my family I desperately miss the life and friends I have here. It’s a no win situation. Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself.
Filed under: Friendshipping, Living in LA LA Land, Living in Ohio, Mi Familia , California, family, moving, Ohio
No I don’t have some weird skin condition. Instead I am still on Pacific Standard Time in a very EST (Eastern Standard Time) world. I was in CA just long enough to get three hours behind. Now its 1:36 in the morning and I’m wide-awake. Three hours is just long enough to be ridiculously off schedule for no real good reason. I mean I didn’t go to China or New Zealand.
So now I’m up. Watching re-runs of Little People Big World. I love that show. I am also attempting to catch up on emails, organize photos and convince myself I’m tired and should go lay down. But I don’t really want to. UGH!
I feel like I’m in a weird lala land. I miss California tremendously, or more precisely I miss my friends. Coming back to Ohio is always a shock to the system. I’ve decided that I need to more deliberately engage in life here in the big city. I’m going to attempt to look for a church and volunteer somewhere.
I’m also in a bit of a panic because the tags on my car expire this month. I’m not worried about the renewal fee or anything silly like that, but because with the simple thing my life in California will be officially over. I will have to hand over the two things that tangibly tie me to my former life – my California license plates and my California driver’s license. I am so proud of those two things. I love them. I like seeing them when in the parking lot or a store. It somehow reminds me of who I was.
They almost make me feel snobby. It is how I keep myself separate from Ohio, not that there is anything wrong with it, but still. I like letting people know that I’m not from here, I’m just passing through. But am I? I have no idea. And the odd thing is I am kind of from here. I lived a lot of my life before the age of 12 in the great Buckeye State. Maybe I need to reconnect with a different part of myself. I know I’m being ridiculous. It took me years to feel at home in CA. I used to reject the notion of being there too.
I think I am just resistant to change. I need to learn a more healthy way to let go and move on.
Filed under: Living in Ohio, Travelling , adjustment, California, jet lag, letting go, moving on, Ohio, transition
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