Misleading Job Interview

All I want for my 35th birthday is health insurance.

For some Americans that is still the dream. As a diabetic I am the health insurance equivalent of a leper. I couldn’t get insured if I were willing to pay a million dollars a month. I have to be on a group plan, which means no more freelancing or consulting for me. So, I am going to go out and get a regular, 9-5, bi-weekly paying, prescription-card-offering job.

I put all my friends and family on alert, updated my resume, set up job alerts and dusted off my portfolio. I was ready.

For months all I heard were crickets. Yep. Nada. Zero. Zip. I think the job boards are right, it is an invisible job market, you have to know someone to get in. But then twice in one week I get called for interviews. Yea!! That noise you finally heard, were the towns people rejoicing!

The first job, internet marketing manager, was found by my grandfather in the newspaper. How old school. I didn’t even know that he knew what I did for a living but apparently he was listening and taking notes. I was excited. I loved the product, industry and market. This could be great. I could finally have found a job where I could really settle in. Yay!

I had a pre-interview phone screening, which I passed and had the in-person interview last Friday. On the phone I got a brief overview of the job. She said I would be working with the internet/catalog director as the internet marketing manager to help with email campaigns which involved some merchandising. Sounds straight-forward enough. She assured me I’d get more details from the hiring manager.

All week I mentally gathered all of my web experience – web site development, email campaign creation, web metrics,  social media marketing, etc. I could describe my part in all projects. I could wax on poetically about web theory and new softwares for email marketing. I was ready. I didn’t even feel nervous, just ready to dig in. Look at me, all optimistic. It was a real moment. I nearly got verclempt.

On Friday, I re-met with the HR lady who re-qualified me for the job, we went through my experience and she asked me traditional interview questions. What is the best piece of constructive criticism you ever received? What are your references going to say about you? Blah. Blah. Blah. Do they actually really get valid, usable information from those questions? Anyway, she also gave me the same brief overview of the job, you’ll be working on email campaigns. Now in my mind, the internet marketing manager would be responsible for overseeing all aspects of said email campaigns. You would think.

When I met with the hiring manager I was immediately thrown off by the first question. He wanted me to go through my job history and point-by-point show how I was qualified for the position. Job description? Huh. I hadn’t seen one of those. The nice HR lady didn’t give me one. I told him that I never received one. He slides it over to me and at cursory glance I don’t recognize the responsibilities of the internet marketing manager. I was further thrown off track by a series of questions about statistical theory and process. Again huh.

Then I realized, they don’t want an internet marketing manager they want a marketing analyst. Now, for those wondering what the difference is, let me explain. In my opinion, the internet marketing manager would work on formulating a plan to promote the products on the web through an integrated marketing communications plan. Now what they want is equivalent to an accountant. They want a paper-pushing, number crunching, data juggler. A statistician. Someone who sits and interprets spreadsheet data. All day. ALL. DAY.

So zero creativity. Zero actual involvement with the web, other than generating data the web team will use to deploy campaigns. Yea. I was talking with a friend, and former boss, after the interview and she said they might not know what internet marketing is. No idea.

I was disappointed. I got through the rest of the interview, including the person who previously held the job and one of the team members. They made it crystal clear that this was strictly a numbers job. Hours and hours at a desk on tight deadline to generate reports and help clarify data. Yummy. The team member actually said – Me, words. You, numbers. Kid you not.

No thanks. I really want to write an email to the nice HR lady and tell her she has no clue what the department is actually looking for and that I am no longer interested in this position. Can you do that? Is that appropriate?

Big lesson learned, ask for a full job description. You may not be talking apples to apples unless you see it on paper.

I have another interview next Wednesday for a public relations position. I hope they really aren’t looking for a greeter, food server or bill collector. We’ll see.

Filed under: Working , HR mistake, interview, job, job description, job search, marketing job

What I Want to Be When I Grow Up?

I have struggled to find a career I am passionate about since I graduated from college.

I have a B.A. in journalism I knew I wasn’t going to use, in the traditional way. I stumbled into a career in marketing, at which I’m very proficient but don’t really count myself on a definite career track. I also have a master’s degree I don’t presently use. It’s all a hodge-podge, mish-mash of experience, industry and skills. How it all fits together, I have no idea.

I know at work I enjoy a challenge, creativity, time to work alone, and working on something I believe in. I can’t have just a job. I have to feel motivated by the product or cause at hand. Yet, this is all very vague and lacking in a specific direction, vocation or industry.

So what do I want to be when I grow up? I honestly don’t know. I feel like I could do a myriad of things. So what makes a job satisfying, maybe its more than the tasks. I know environment counts for a lot. The people you work with are a huge factor. But in this economy can you afford to be choosy? Or do you have to take what comes your way? I have to believe it does matter that there are still career dreams to be fulfilled.

In this “down” time while I’m helping my dad and watching my nephews I have decided to explore my options, my heart and try to figure out what’s next in my life. What do I want to be? Where do I want to be? Who do I want to be?

All big lofty questions and perhaps a bit rhetorical. But I need to get focused on my life and what I want to be instead of getting lost in other people’s dreams, ambitions and needs. Some of this feels a bit selfish. But I don’t want to wake up in six years, when I’m 40, wondering what the hell I’m doing still babysitting my nephews.

Rather than just fall into something else I want to be a little more deliberate this time. Maybe I know myself a bit better this time around. I hope I’ve learned something about myself in the last 16 years, since I last addressed this topic at 18. So I’m going to explore personality, interests, passions, and long-lost dreams to try and figure it all out. I’ll keep ya posted as I move forward.

Filed under: Working

Volunteer Work

We are in the middle of a gigantic order right now. And by gigantic, I mean enormous. We have literally 25 tons of product to get out by the beginning of December. Yea, I wasn’t exaggerating. 1,200,000 pieces. So as a result we have been working nights and weekends to get this done. This is a much needed infusion of capital for us, so we have to do it. No other option right now.

It’s only the second week of the month, half way through and we are exhausted. And generally by we I mean my dad. He gets up at 5 a.m. and doesn’t get home until after midnight. I’m in my 9 a.m. and leave around 10 p.m. So I’m tired, but no where near as tired as he is. He is working his 54-year-old self silly. Did I mention he had back surgery in January and needs to have his rotator cuff operated on – yea. Insane.

But another things that overwhelms me are the number of volunteers that we have come in and help. And these aren’t people that just drop in for an hour one time. We have some that show up everyday for hours. I’m hardly that dedicated to this venture, but they believe in my dad and what he wants to do with this business to support ministry. I am shocked and awed everyday. They expect nothing and just want to help. It is insane.

As I write we have four people here with us at 9:57 p.m. One guy came in after working a full day and he plans to be here as long as my dad is here. That is amazing, sacrificial love. Wow.

Well I’m supposed to be taking a potty break, so I better get back to manning my station.

Filed under: Friendshipping, Working , small business, volunteers

Nine Months In…Time Marches On

I realized I haven’t given a state of the union address on me and Ohio since May. Hard to believe it’s been nine months since I loaded up the truck and moved to Cleveland Browns country.

I can honestly say the time has gone by really fast. We’re already prepping for winter again. Ok, I can’t believe I just wrote that because it feels like something you’d write on the back of a postcard, doesn’t it?!

I don’t really know what to say. The fall foliage is spectacular. Mid-westerners eat a lot of fried food. Overall, I’m glad I came. I know I needed to be here. I feel like I’ve grown a lot put some things to rest – finally. I’m working on other issues too – mainly issues of forgiveness. Being here has forced me to face things head on. I can’t hide.

I miss my friends terribly. I miss the life I used to live. I miss having my own space. I realized that living with roommates and living with family, namely your parents is VERY different. While my parents try to respect my space, they really don’t have to. My father just might point out to me again that he brought me into the world and he can take me out.

I’ve also realized that marriage after 34 years looks a lot like roommates. My parents have the same conversations day after day. I could almost script them out. It drive me crazy.

Anyway, I digress. There is no real point to this post so I’m rambling. No grand ephiphany. No new news. My days, nights and spare time are spent working on my dad’s new businesses. I don’t really have a life.

Sounds pitiful, but I’m too busy to worry about that I guess. That’s the awful thing about owning a small business – you sleep, eat, and drink it – all the time. There is no down time. We constantly plan for it. All of that would be awesome if it were your dream, passion and desire that you were working on. For me I think I signed up for it because I just wanted to be with my dad. This is his dream, his passion, his desire. I don’t know where that will go or how that will pan out for me.

My dream, passion and desire was for him to get to know me and spend time with me, but all we talk about is the business. I still can’t really talk to him about how I’m feeling about anything. He just keeps telling me it will all be ok. He tells me not to worry. But there is no conversation, just to-do lists. There is no connection just strategic planning. I know he needs me here. I know he’s happy I’m here. I don’t doubt that. But I still feel like my life is on hold. I never came back here expecting to stay forever. But if I’m not careful I could wake up in two years, five years, 20 years wondering where my life went. Wondering if I followed my dreams or continued to spend my life chasing my father wanting him to see me.

I’ve felt such an obligation and duty to help him. Yet even as I write this I realize that I don’t have to do it. I am not responsible for the success of this business. If I stay it should be because I want to. My dad doesn’t need me here, he wants me here. There is a big difference. I’ve marveled at how he has an amazing support network here. His friends are amazing, just like mine are. He has people that would step up. He could find someone else if he needed to. There is freedom in that thought. It frees me to stay or go. There are no chains that binds me here.

Wow! There was a grand ephiphany to be had. I don’t know if anyone will get that but me, but it was a good one. I’m glad I wrote that down.

Now if only I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I was talking with a friend today wrestling with the same question and I jokingly told her that I was about ready to tell Jesus I’d be in Italy waiting for his response to this question.

Now I know he won’t be sending a detailed plan. I realize its about relationships, growth, and learning to love but still, I’d rather be in Italy.

Filed under: Living in Ohio, Mi Familia, Working , dad, family, Ohio, small business

Lost piece of sanity and more

After the Elijah House training at church on Friday and Saturday, I was exhausted. As I started to pull my books out of the car I got this overwhelming feeling that I needed to take all of my stuff out of my car. You know that small voice in the back of your head? The fleeting voice that you sometimes pay attention to but often dismiss as irrational or irrelevant.

I halfway paid attention, I started unloading some of the stuff that had accumulated all week. I took out my briefcase, books, purse, random mail (including credit card statements), etc. I dropped the GPS into the center console, so it was out of site, but I couldn’t carry my camera, which I had in my car to take photos of the beautiful fall foliage wherever I saw it. My precious Sony was wrapped up in my coat. I decided I would come back out to get in a little bit.

I got inside, some friends came over to show us their costumes, got to making dinner and I completely forgot about my camera out in the car.

Then at about midnight we started cleaning. We found some moldy bread and started cleaning out all of the cupboards, one of those small things that quickly escalates into a full blown project. So we were carting garbage in and out of the house until about 2:30 a.m. When I took out the last bag I felt weird, like someone was watching me. I actually stopped to make sure the garage door closed. I had a strange feeling that unless I did someone might come into the house. How weird is that?

This morning at about 9 a.m. my mom was banging on my door telling me to get up. I just rolled over and tried to ignore her. Then what she said next made me jump up and out of bed, “all of our cars have been broken into and your GPS is gone.” The feeling I had standing in the middle of the garage might have been because they were out there hiding.

I went out to the car to see what else was missing. They ransacked the car and emptied the contents of every compartment. I was immediately grateful that I unloaded the car there was nothing else in there. We made some really lame jokes with the sheriff and I headed inside. Then in a flash I remembered my camera was in the backseat of the car. I ran back to the car and it was gone. I hoped for a second, against all odds, that it fell into my briefcase but I knew it didn’t.

I was immediately devastated. I instantly started to cry. I think I sobbed for about two hours. I just couldn’t stop. It was like I hit a main water pipe. My camera is my escape hatch right now. I use it to relax and be creative. My photography is how I express myself, to lose that is awful.

I realize that I can buy another one. But I quickly realized the tears, sadness and devastation were about much more than a camera. It was about much more than the theft in general. Yea that sucks, but just the straw that broke the camel’s back.

I have been so stressed lately. The trouble with the business continues. The conditions of our loan have changed with the credit crunch. The lending agency now wants 100% collateral. We qualified for a city grant that the new mayor has changed to a loan, at the last minute, which also now requires 100% collateral. Every day is a stress wondering if we’ll have enough money to buy ingredients. Will we be able to continue production? We just ran out of our main ingredient and the next order will cost $15,000. Every week we wonder if we’re going to make payroll while we continue to be unpaid.

But it isn’t just limited to the business. Our air conditioner went out at the beginning of summer. So we spent a midwest sweltering summer with no air. Then about a month ago the hot water heater went out, so I’ve had to bathe at my brother’s house. Thank goodness he only lives about half a mile away. We also just discovered that the furnace is going out. How in the world can we afford to fix that before winter? I guess I need to be grateful that we have a fireplace. I tease that living in our house is like camping. But it isn’t funny.

Where is God? What is he doing? That has been my cry. We have sacrified everything we have to work with him to accomplish this vision he gave my dad. Did we misinterpret it? Is it he not in it? I keep telling myself that I just need to go out and get a job – whether it be temp or at Kohls. But every application I place goes no where. I never hear anything. All of my freelance has dried up. I don’t know what else to do.

I want to know what the freak is going on. Why are we walking in mud right now, up hill, in a rainstorm, with roller skates on. Are we going to turn the corner? Are we going to lose everything?

I ended up sleeping most of the day. I just couldn’t stay awake. When I woke up tonight I felt like I was in a fog. You know that emotional hangover after a heavy cry? But the refrain from one of my favorite praise songs kept going through my mind. “He gives and takes away. He gives and takes away. Still my heart will choose to say, blessed be your name.” It is so much easier to sing that song “when the world is all as is should be.”

The decision I have right now is my response. Somedays are better than on others, but at the end of today I can say, “Blessed be your name.”

Filed under: Living in Ohio, Mi Familia, Spiritual Formation, Working , blessing, camera, car, creativity, God, praises, sherrif, theft

Business Status

Well another week of crazy busy has flown by.

This week was all about making limited capital stretch. We continue to wait for the financing to be complete. It is stressful, stretching, challenging and still insane.

My dad continues to be optomistic, while I am trying to be cautious. But its worth it when we land new accounts and when existing customers talk about how great the product is and how happy they are with our service.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m more afraid of failure or success. What if this actually works? What if we succeed? Yikes. Scary.

The other big question for me is how long do I, can I wait for the financing. My freelancing has dried up for the time being and I either need to put in the time to find new clients or find a job. This has been my dilemma for the past couple of months. I have a date in my head by everything I try and plan never happens so I’m standing by. I’ve half-heartedly been looking for jobs and have even applied to some, but nothing has come of it.

It boils down to I know I needed to be here. I don’t regret coming at all. It’s been difficult, but also eye opening, healing and good. Beyond that I have no idea, maybe I’m not supposed to. No idea.

Filed under: Psychobabbling, Working , employment, failure, job hunt, new business, success

Better Days

I think business meetings, bad news or anything negative should be banned on Mondays. After the horrible beginning to my week I have just been exhausted. I’ve not been sleeping well, but Wednesday was a better day. We had a great client meeting and have also picked up several new customers this week, so that’s all good news.

We’ve also gotten a lot of great feed back on our product and its always nice to hear good things. So we are starting to get some momentum.

There is so much work to do some days I don’t even know where to start. I’m struggling to find vendors, time, energy and sanity somedays. So crazy.

Tomorrow we’re going to visit another customer to see how we can help them with marketing, so that should be fun. I like problem-solving for other people.

Filed under: Working

Hard Day

Today sucked.

It’s 4:59 a.m. and after three hours of sleep I’m back up still thinking about it.

I knew it was going to be hard, we had a meeting set with one of our core accounts that has decided not to purchase from us anymore. We didn’t really know why but we were hoping that we could work it out. I mean they have been purchasing from this company since the 60s, surely its a history worth preserving.

But once we got there it was clear we couldn’t save it. He is the one who requested the meeting, but we sat down and he stared at us, his silence asking, “What do you want?” It was awkward. It was uncomfortable. I had nothing to say. My dad jumped in and said we were there to meet him, talk about what happened, to see what we could do.

He just said he was done. He’d had enough for various reasons and he told this to the previous owner the last time they met. We never had a chance with him. But the previous owner knew he was losing his biggest account, it makes sense now why he wanted to sell.

It felt like a giant waste of time. We were caught off guard. We had no words. No explanation. No recourse.

We left after 30 minutes, in silence. There still wasn’t anything to say.

Now my mind is spinning. How does our small business recover? What do we have to do? Where do we go? What’s next? God, did we make a mistake? Are we going to make it? Will this fail? Every insecurity I had about this thing is now at the forefront of my mind.

I am learning how to take these setbacks to drive me forward. In the past, I would have stopped and assumed failure. That isn’t an option this time. We have to make this work. I can’t check out. I can’t give up.

My dad never falters. He never fears. He doesn’t worry. He says, “we’ll recover I promise.”

Thank God tomorrow is a new day. Thank God for new ideas, new business, new contacts, new mercies and new strength.

Oh it will be work, but there has to be a new plan and a new way.

Filed under: Working , business loss, new mercy, resilient

Exhaling a Bit

This summer has been a whirlwind of activity and stress. My dad is in the process of buying not one, not two but three businesses all at once. They aren’t even all in the same state. One has been established since 1946, one is brand new and one is being re-established after being closed briefly.

My dad is not a man of moderation but a visionary of delusional proportions. Somedays I don’t know whether to be really proud of his tenacity and determination or commit him on a 5150. It’s insane.

So there have been serious moments of fear, anxiety, and downright insanity. I mean we’re assuming ownership of three businesses in the worst economy, in a city that was declared to be dying by Forbes magazine with no real capital. How ridiculous is that??!! But I’m learning that when God gives you the vision, the ridiculous is what he specializes in because you are certain and clear that its success has nothing to do with you.

Through the whole process I have seen God at work first hand, but in none of the ways I expected it. I wanted all the money upfront, so I would feel secure about the venture. But that didn’t happen. Instead I had to rely on him for every cent that came in the door. We are operating from peanut to peanut and marshmallow to marshmallow. God is literally providing for us as we need it, not a second sooner. If we need $183 for a pending delivery the day before it’s due we’ll get a check for $185. See He even overdelivers. It’s literally been that close somedays.

I’m also absolutely overwhelmed by the amount of support that my dad has among his friends. We only have a three full-time employees and his friends will show up and volunteer to make sure we get product shipped out the door. One day we had a huge order to fulfill and thought we were going to be there all night prepping it and in our moment of desperation and panic five people walk in the door to help. They have also stepped up with cash when we were panicked to make payroll – unsolicited they gave what they felt like God told them to give and again it would be exactly what we needed in that moment. Amazing miracles like that again and again.

So, today after months of negotitations, loan applications, grant requests, stress, panic, etc we finally got word that one of the loans was approved. We will have slightly more than a shoestring budget in a few weeks. Again God is providing in his timing not mine. I was ready for this loan weeks ago, but in what I consider to be the nick of time he shows up.

Perhaps all of this waiting is to show me how God provides. Maybe I needed to see first hand that all good things come from God. It could be that I needed to see that this is his business. I don’t know, but it is stretching me, my faith and taking me completely outside of my comfort zone. It’s exciting and scary.

Filed under: Mi Familia, Working , God provides, loan, miracle, new business

Two Months In

Well I have now been in Ohio for two months.

The sun greeted me this morning, for the second time since I got here. It appeared almost as a reassurance that spring is coming inspite of near constant 30 degree temperatures.

As my contracted freelance work winds down I’m beginning to ramp up my job search. I’m applying anywhere I’m willing live. So far its Colorado, Chicago, Nashville and around here. I find that I keep applying for marketing jobs because that’s what I know. But I don’t know if I want to be in marketing still. After almost 10 years I’m ready for a change. I think. I’m still reeling from the last big change I made. Maybe a little continuity would be good.

After my recent trip to Pittsburgh I realized that where I live is not a city, it’s a town. There is a difference. We have little to no culture, architecture, theatre, etc. I miss the city. I miss smog. I miss people. I miss traffic. I’m homesick.

Filed under: About Me, Living in Ohio, Working