Experience of Grace

”In God’s search to find us, he enters every dark corner of life. Thus, our saving hope is not to be rescued from the dark world but to live in the darkness by the light of Christ. It follows that we can spend a lot less time praying for deliverance from how it is and more time asking to see the face of God in every circumstance.”

– Craig Barnes (Yearning)

I got this quote from a friend this week and it is so true. I would add that our experience of grace in these dark corners really depends on our ability to be vulnerable and open to the depths of the blackness. Do we try to shine the light ourselves cheapening the experience of grace or do we really reflect who he is even in our weakness, defeat,horror, shame and/or sin?

Filed under: Quoting, Reading, Spiritual Formation , book, Craig Barnes, grace, yearning

Becoming Latina in 10 Easy Steps

One of my favorite places in the world to escape, is the library. I love being around all of the books and the silence. It’s awesome. One of the benefits of being forced to give up my CA driver’s license is that I am now proud owner of a Stark County Library card, whi-hoo.

On my most recent trip this book was featured on an endcap. Since I too have struggled with my Latin identity I thought I’d give it a go.

Becoming Latina in 10 Easy Steps by Lara Rios

My review

rating: 3 of 5 stars
I had high homes for “Becoming Latina.” It was awesome to see a book that was about a Latin girl. She’s educated, from a good family, and has a great job. The one thing she can’t seem to get together is her love life. She’s commitment phobic and afraid of love, which seems like a disconnect given the rest of her situation. Instead she buries herself in her work and family. Her life is turned upside down when she learns of her mother’s affair and the possiblity that she might be a product of that event.

Her quest to be more latina leads her into some tricky situations the least of which is love with a man pushing her for her worst nightmare, a relationship.

In the end she comes to grip with who she is and what she really wants out of life.

The book reminds me a bit of Bridget Jones Diary for its crazy scenarios. Some of it is unbelievable and a bit much.

Overall a decent read. Not great, the writing seems a bit juvenile and in places underdeveloped, but for what it is (a fun read), it’s on target.

View all my reviews.

Filed under: Reading , book, Chick Lit, Lara Rios, Latina, review

Stori Telling

In my on-going attempt to escape my life in general, I have taken to reading trashy, superficial, irrelevant novels. It is proving effective. My latest example is the memoirs of Tori Spelling. It was delicious cotton candy.

sTORI Telling by Tori Spelling

My review

rating: 4 of 5 stars
I never watched 90210. I learned of Tori Spelling through the tabloids and her reality tv show – Inn Love 1 and 2. I find her fascinating. This book was an interesting look at her life from growing up Spelling, her relationship with her mother, cheating on her husband and finally creating the family she always wanted. She’s incredibly honest about her emotions, motivations and mistakes. It’s a fun read if you’re looking for something mindless.

View all my reviews.

Filed under: Reading , 90210, book, reality tv, review, Tori Spelling

Stuff Christians Like

If you grew up anywhere near or in a Christian church you really must add the blog Stuff Christians Like to your daily reading. It is comedy therapy. In the past week alone it has rated the myriad of christian festival names on a scale of holiness, given a quiz to judge if its a John Mayer lyric or a verse from the message version of the bible and compared christian conferences to prom. How can you not love that. I have to say my father, the pastor and I a seminary graduated missed 5 of the 15 on the John Mayer quiz.

Filed under: Bloglicious, Reading , blog, satire, stuff christians like

The Shack

At work this week people were all a-twitter about this book called, The Shack. They were using words like amazing, revolutionary, inspiring and life-changing. Wow! That’s a tall order for a book. So Ty lent me her copy and I read it today on the plane.

All I can say is, oh my goodness. This is book is amazing, revolutionary, inspiring and life-changing. It tells the story of Mackenzie Phillips and his encounter with God after the murder of his daughter. Grappling with a great sadness that cripples his life, he shuts out God and abandons his faith. But God in his infinite love comes to find him, quite literally.

The Shack provides a refreshingly new look at how God interacts with us and what he really wants from us, a relationship. This is definitely not a trite, cliched Christian novel. It is about a journey to the heart of God and what he wants to tell us.

There were moments where I so identified with the character that I was sobbing, he echoed the cries and questions of my heart. I finally got a glimpse of what “being with God” is all about. I don’t even think I understood some of it, or agreed with all of it, but I walked off the plane tonight feeling like I spent the day with God himself. That’s a good book.

Filed under: Reading, Spiritual Formation , conversation with God, The Shack, theology

Mystery Reader

Today I got the chance to go into Jordy’s class and be the mystery reader of the day.

It is Dr. Seuss month and each student was to invite family members and friends to come into the class, with a snack, and read. Only they never knew who would show up when.

I had to knock on the door and the students would try and guess who it was. I had a grand entrance and was received to a loud, “It’s my Aunt Marti.” How glorious is that! Then Jordy introduced me to the class, “This is my aunt who just moved here from California to be with my brother and me.” True.

I got to sit in the rocking chair in front of the reading area and Jordy sat next to me while we read, “Oh the places you will go.” It’s hard to read upside down and still show the book to the class.

When we were done Jordy’s teacher asked him if he thought it would be me and he said, “I never expected it.” How cute. Then he got to hand out the snacks (packs of Goldfish). He got to call who he wanted to one and a time. Oh the power. I remember so wanting to be called first. They were all sitting there eagerly waiting to hear their name.

They were all polite and one of the girls even came up and gave me a hug. Jordy wouldn’t touch me but strangers gave me hugs.

So much fun. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to hang out with them. They were so cute.

Filed under: Mi Familia, Reading , Dr Seuss, nephews, school

Five Love Languages for Singles – Physical Touch

Our last love language is physical touch.

Whatever there is of you resides in your body. To touch your body is to touch you.

I love that quote and description. It really puts a different perspective on touch and why its so important. To touch your body is to in essence affect who you are and make contact with your soul. We need to protect our bodies as much as we protect our minds and hearts.

In the book, Chapman identifies four different kinds of touch: appropriate and inappropriate, implicit and explicit. The first pair don’t need definiting. Implicit touches are subtle, fleeting or even accidental. It can be a quick touch to the hand or shoulder. It can imply understanding, emphasis and is okay with people we hardly know.

Explicit touch demands full attention, takes more time, and requires knowledge of and a relationship with the other person. It’s the different between a two pat hug and “leaning.” (Points to those who recognize that reference from “While You Were Sleeping.) It can be sexual, a massage, a good hug, a kiss or even the annoying pinch on the cheek from an aunt.

“Physical touch is a powerful communicator of love. In a time of crisis, more than anything we need to feel loved. We cannot always change events, but we can survive if we feel loved.”

It’s amazing how in moment of pain all we need is a hug. Just somone who is willing to reach into the emotion and let us know that we are not alone. When you think about singles and physical touch its alarming how long some go without being touched in a meaningful manner.

In my small group we always hug one another when showing up and leaving. At first it was a little awkward. I didn’t know them very well and it seemed odd. But now I look forward to it. It has become love to me over time. It is more than just custom or what we do. I like it.

This chapter can’t exclude sexual touch from the conversation. Chapman provides an overview of the sexual revolution and how it has damaged our use of sex. Sex isn’t about satisfying an animal instinct. It shouldn’t be used just to feel better because in the end it errodes our view of love and connection. Our sexuality isn’t limited to our bodies but is an expression of our wholeness through commitment to one person. When we reduce it to just a carnal act we effectively remove the divine from it.

A chapter on physical touch must also include its shadow side – abuse. Physical touch can be perverted causing physical harm to another. This inappropriate touch is destructive and debilitating. In a dating relationship this can be excused as love and ignored but it will get worse if left unchecked.

Real love doesn’t take advantage or use force. It is gentle, appropriate, and it waits for the right time and place to be expressed.

Filed under: Quoting, Reading, Single Serving, Small Grouping, Spiritual Formation , body, book, five love languages, Gary Chapman, physical touch, singles

The Jane Austen Book Club [2007]

“Jane Austen is the perfect antidote to life,” Bernadette (Kathy Baker) says of their endeavor to read all six Jane Austen’s novels. [Pride and Prejudice, Persuasion, Northanger Abbey, Sense and Sensibility, Emma, and Mansfield Park)

Her friends need it. Jocelyn (Maria Bello) lost her beloved dog. Sylvia (Amy Brennamen) loses her husband of 20 years to another woman. Prudie (Emily Blunt) is a french teacher, who is unhappily married to a man who cancels their trip to Paris to take clients to an NBA game. Grigg, the token male, is in love with Jocelyn, who tries to set him up iwth Sylvia. Allegra (Maggie Grace), Sylvia’s daughter, the quick to love, youthful lesbian rounds out the group.

Each member of the group picks a novel and hosts the group once a month. Soon their lives begin to parallel the novel they pick. Let the chaos, misunderstandings, heartaches and crisis begin.

Adopted from Karen Fowler’s book of the same name this movie is a chick flick. It is full of wry observations, albeit a little obvious, quick wit and the things that bond women together -good conversation, good food and drama.

It was a fun movie I got to see with my roomie Tina. It helped cleanse some of the love gunk left over from Feast of Love last week. The characters in this film realize love takes work, requires commitment and that it is what makes us sane and crazy at the same time.

I need to go re-read the books now.

Filed under: Pop Culture, Reading

Five Love Language for Singles – Quality Time

The fourth love language is quality time.

Aaah now we’re talking my language. Quality time is all about being together. It’s focused attention. No distractions. It is true connection as you engage in quality conversation or activities.

When quality time is used as a means of expressing love it is a powerful, authentic connection. It isn’t about the activity, the focus is on what is happening between the people involved. This is all about emotional availibility and connection.

God made us for community. We need each other. We were not meant to do life alone. Yet it’s amazing how fragmented our relationships are and how lonely we feel. We hunger for this expression of love. Yet our lives are too busy, we don’t have the time to invest this way very often with many people.

Chapman identifies three main expressions of quality time: quality conversation, quality listening and quality activities.

Quality conversation is about “sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.”

A couple of weeks ago I spent the day with a friend I hadn’t seen in a while. We did many activities but never got the chance to sit down and really talk. I left feeling a little sad. I didn’t feel connected to her. While we had fun it wasn’t completely satisfying for me. I wanted to hear about her life, interact with her about mine and discuss what we were thinking and feeling about those things that mattered to us. We didn’t have a chance to sit and share life.

An important part of quality conversation is hearing. In order to be a quality conversationalist “I will focus on drawing you out, listening sympatheically to what you have to say. I will ask question, not in a badgering manner but with a genuine desire to understand your thoughts, feelings and desires.”

It isn’t just hearing but listening to truly understand the situation and the person. It means listening for the emotions that underlie what they are saying, body language, giving undivided attention, not interrupting and clarifying what you are hearing from them. You aren’t thinking about what you’ll say next, but you are in the moment with them, emoting, encouraging, and paying attention.

The final quality time dialect is quality activities. It still isn’t really about the activity but the fact that you are doing it with someone you are about. The focus is on building memories, having shared experiences and giving someone else one of the most important things we have so little of, time.

This is why I love my day trips. I get quality, uninterrupted time one-on-one with people I enjoy spending time with. As we engage with our surroundings we’re also engaging with one another. It is sheer bliss for me.

The scary thing about quality time is opening up to another person, showing your feelings and inner most thoughts. You’re trusting them with who you are and what you like to do. Given past experiences in relationships this can be reduced to really shallow and unemotional exchanges.

I’ve been in relationships where we engage in many activities together and yet there is no connection whatsoever. I think this happens alot with co-workers. So when often when you change jobs you never talk to them again. It can also be this way with roommates. Just because you live with someone it doesn’t mean you’re spending quality time together. These relationships are frustrating.

Quality time is deliberate and intentional to build the relationship.

So for me quality time is invigorating, refreshing and life giving. I feel understood, enriched and well … loved. The people I can engage in quality time with are my soul feeders. My batteries get recharged and I leave their presence wanting more time.

Filed under: Reading, Single Serving, Small Grouping , love, Gary Chapman, listening, quality time,

Five Love Languages for Singles – Acts of Service

The third love language we studied is acts of service.

The love language of service is one of sacrifice and help in a time of need. This is best exemplified through Jesus, and that is what we focused on in our group. Tina did a great job leading our discussion.

We listed all of the acts of service that Jesus performed and received during the three years of his ministry: healing the sick, raising the dead, washing feet, feeding five thousand, educated the masses and dying on the cross, just to name a few. He was among the least of them, the most needy and meet their basic, most pressing needs. Thinking about how Jesus received was a new tangle for me. He received water from the woman at the well. Another woman used expensive perfume to clean his feet. Martha served him when he was in her home. So this is a love language he knew well.

Acts of service is a way of expressing a sense of responsibliity for the well-being of others.

As with all of the gifts there is a shadow side, how it can be distorted to be negative and unhealthy. For acts of service its underbelly is slavery. In slavery you are not giving because you want to but because you have to. In slavery “freedom to truly serve is lost. Slavery hardens the heart. Slavery creates angelr, bitterness, and resentment.” This isn’t love.

When you treat another person as an object, you preclude the possibility of love. Manupulation by guilt (‘If you loved me, you would do this for me’) is not the language of love. Coercion by fear (‘You will do this or you will be sorry’) is alient to love. Love refuses to be manipulated.

I have to admit this love language is really hard for me, not to give but to receive. I think I’ve got too much experience with the black side of acts of service. For me it means vulnerability and weakness. I do not like to be needy. If I can’t do it myself I don’t really need it. Making a need be known is really an effort. If someone asks to help that’s one thing. But having to ask is quite another. This is definitely an area I need to work on.

It’s interesting that when God reveals a weakness he will continue to work on it for you. In another study this idea of vulnerability through acts of service came up again. This time it went futher to say that the inability to ask for help is evidence of a stubborn pride preventing us from letting go and asking God for help. So instead of growing, changing and maturing we cling to lifestyle that doesn’t work for us anymore but we’re suck because we operate in our own power never asking for help. Yikes. Definitely need to look at that some more.

Still, acts of service is definitely not my primary love language.

Filed under: Reading, Single Serving, Small Grouping, Spiritual Formation , books, Gary Chapman, helping others, love, love languages, pride, volunteering, vulnerability