Religiosity in Action June 18, 2008

St. Augustine say that the church is a whore but that whore is still his mother.

Brutal truth about an institution that I wonder if is more harmful than helpful. It sets itself up in judgement of many, setting standards for all, and can feel more like a social club than a sacred place of any sort of worship. I realize my own opinion of church is jaded by a lifetime of participation and 21 years in and near church leadership. I’ve seen the underbelly of both the congregation and those in power.

I go through waves of enchantment and disillusion with this institution that Christ died to redeem with his love. Yet I often find it to be the last place to experience any sort of love or acceptance. I won’t even begin to rant about the church and women. I will just say that the church as it stands today often feels misaligned with what God wants to do in the world. It seems devisive, out of touch and driven by personal agenda and politics.

But I digress. I don’t normally dwell on these things. I usually accept the church as a broken institution run by needy, broken people. We all make mistakes and occassionally get misguided. My cynicism is generally balanced in my heart with some of the amazing experiences I’ve had in its warm maternal embrace. So my opinion is generally tempered by the genuine, compassionate people I’ve met that have made my life richer and better. In the midst of the pain and angst I am reminded of the good to be found there. I can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater but must be faithful to the whore, who is my mother.

The angst of my church fire was recently stoked vicariously through my father’s experience. He was one of the pastors at a church here in Ohio. A couple of disgruntled church staff and their friends got together last summer, when the pastor was on vacation, to stab him in the back, spread ugly rumors and basically slander him and anyone associated with him. It was started with insidious little lies that erroded confidence in him and called his integrity into question. They acted maliciously disguised with a furrowed brow of concern convincing themselves that they were doing God’s work. It’s sad really the things we say that we do in the name of God. I suppose that’s why Jesus said many will claim do to things in his name and he will say depart from me I knew you not.

Last night we heard a fresh round of rumors of things my dad supposedly did, didn’t do and should have done that were just silly. We also heard some of the just downright mean things they’re saying about him as a chaser to the other rumors. In the midst of being tired, worn out and weary my dad shrugs most of it off. As his daughter it makes me angry. I want to go punch the righteous indignation right off their faces. I want to beat them til they repent. I want to be the vehicle of vengence that God uses to exact his wrath and justice. Not exactly a holy response of love either.

But in his gentle spirit my dad says it doesn’t matter what they say, he knows what’s true. He also reminds me that the innocent don’t need to defend themselves. He will continue to stay to the course God has given to him. My dad is much better at turning the proverbial cheek than I am. But I know he’s right. If someone has decided to hate you, disapprove of you or otherwise there is nothing you can do. And at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what they think. I can’t stand in place of judgement against them, that isn’t my job. I just have to watch my own integrity. It’s hard because I feel like my dad has been wronged.

But I suppose it isn’t about who is right or wrong it’s about the attitude and motivation of the heart. This is when we show true love to the unlovely and our enemies. UGH. Hard.

I need to keep growing and learning how to love, because I still wanna street fight.

Cancelled Shows June 12, 2008

There has been a fresh ax of shows across the board in the last week. Among shows not renewed: Men in Trees, October Road, Las Vegas, Dirt, and The Dead Zone.

It’s interesting that in a shortened season, due to the writer’s strike, that networks would cite poor ratings as the reason they were pulled. No one had any idea when these shows were airing, when they were new and there was little to no time to invest into characters.

I really don’t care about most of the shows, but I am sad to see Men in Trees go. It was a cute, quirky show that filled the void that Gilmore Girls left. But it changed time slots six times and went on two VERY long hiatuses. While I think Anne Heche is a loon, this show just worked for me. I mean how can you not like a show that features a recovering prostitute, a hot man that lives in the woods, and a self-help guru who moves to Alaska from NY. It has the makings of a cult-classic. ABC never gave it a chance.

I tell ya in the world of scripted tv nothing makes sense. Why in the world is the Ghost Whisperer still on CBS (4 years)? Why is David Caruso, a no talent hack, still employed? Do we need 18 CSI’s?

One more reason to love non-scripted tv. Go Bravo, TLC, and HGTV.

Grey’s Anatomy and the Writer’s Strike May 23, 2008

Ok, the season finale of Grey’s Anatomy. One more chapter in the life of Seattle Grace closed til fall.

As I sat and watched it tonight I realized that the show has lost its luster for me. I’m tired of trying to figure out the connections, the bigger picture, how it all fits together. I am really sick of Meredith and Derek and all of their drama. McSteamy is tired and cliched. Erica and Callie are predictable and so politically correct. The really, big traumas are just lackluster and uninteresting. I’m just over it. I’m done caring. Who cares if Meredith “got whole?”

You know that Derek probably won’t make it back to her. Meredith is going to be stuck there, waiting for him, still. Something will happen on the way back - he’ll get hit by a car, Rose will turn out to be the dark and twisty one and will kill him - SOMETHING will happen. This is how the evil Shonda works.

I also blame the writer’s strike. Who cares about scripted tv? I must say I’ve lost a little love for tv through this strike. The networks didn’t do enough to woo me back. They should have made the season longer or something. All it did was make me realize there are more interesting things on tv to watch. Who knew I’d be fine with less of it and just HGTV, E, Bravo and TLC.

So goodbye Grey’s, Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters, and Men in Trees. I have officially deleted you from my series manager.

Hilary Clinton at Saddleback AIDS Conference November 29, 2007

Today Hilary Clinton spoke at Saddleback’s Global Summit on AIDS and the CHURCH. She was there to participate in a session called “Conversations with Global Leadership” to discuss the government’s role in fighting HIV/AIDS.

Sitting in the front row I got an unfettered view to listen without being distracted by room full of media. There were three points to her speech - to prove that she is a woman of faith, that if elected will raise funds to fight HIV/AIDS globally and how we need to fight for women’s rights around the world.

Her speech writer did their job to try and make her fit in with the Evangelical audience peppering her talk with Scripture, church jargon and a few stories of how she has seen the effects of AIDS first-hand.

I just didn’t buy it. It was a politically-correct, canned speech. It had zero vulnerability. There was nothing emotional about it. We’re talking about children dying, AIDS orphans, sex-trafficking, a generation of people wiped out in Africa and she was cold, calculated and aloof. All she did was spew statistics at us and general promises to do something about it. This was her chance to really connect with an audience and instead it was just a routine political stop.

Five other presidential candidates, Obama, Huckabee, McCain, Romney and Edwards also sent in speeches on AIDS policy. With Romney, Obama, Huckabee and Edwards, in their five minute, video-taped messages you could actually connect with them. They had passion. They were human. I didn’t agree with everything they said but it was still more authentic somehow. McCain just looked and sounded crazy.

Hilary Clinton was disappointing. I don’t know what I was expecting. I guess I was hoping she’d be more human in person, but she wasn’t. I wanted to be moved by her, to be incited to action. I hoped see a glimpse of greatness, that intangible essence necessary to be a global presence. She is not a charismatic speaker or leader. Her appearance today was empty and ultimately unnecessary.

It’s interesting that many are saying that she wooed the Evangelical audience. I wouldn’t necessarilyy agree. Just because we were polite and applauded doesn’t mean anyone was swayed. You can’t confuse respect for a former first lady and senator with endorsement and political affiliation. Maybe the media just isn’t used to seeing Christians listen to someone with such a dissenting view to theirs. Maybe we, as an audience, are helping to change the rampant view that all Christians do is boycott and bomb clinics. Who knows.

The goal of the Global Summit on HIV/AIDS and the CHURCH is to discuss the role the church can play in fighting the global pandemic that is often ignored in the church today.

Single Busy September 30, 2007

Recently someone asked me how I was doing, and I said, “good but busy.”

Her response was, “oh how many kids do you have?”

When I said I didn’t have any she was shocked that I would actually be busy.

Are single people not busy? Do we not have full lives? Are children the only thing in life that allows one to declare oneself as busy? I mean what do I do with all of my free time. I must sit around get massages and eat bon bons. Surely that is the essence of a single person’s life.

These rules have not be explained to me. I was irritated but quickly let this go and chalked it up to her being an idiot and moved on with my life.

Then tonight, in one of my groups someone asked me how I had time to send out the weekly email and then she said, “oh yea, you’re single with no family.”

Excuse me? How rude and insensitive is that? I really wanted to punch her in the face. But at church I figured that wasn’t a proper response.

My second response was to say, “I guess I’m just better at time management.” No, not a right response either.

My third response was to say, “Actually I am busy, I have a full time job, am a part of three small groups, two of which I lead. I managed to get a master’s degree and I just completed a 32 week lay counseling program. All of that and I still got the freaking email out. I am just that good.”

Instead, I took a deep breath, smiled and said, “I hope you enjoyed the email.”

I still wanted to smack her upside the head.

Gym Etiquette July 20, 2007

NOTE: I’ve added a new annoyance discovered last week. See #5

In my ongoing, never-ending quest to try and be more healthy I have actually been consistent in dragging myself to the gym. Getting there really is half the battle. Once I’m there I do manage to muddle through and feel somewhat accomplished when I leave.

But I have noticed several things whilst there that drive me crazy.

July 20

1. People who talk on their cell phone. This also applies to those who talk on the cell phone in the bathroom. I don’t see the point. There should be sacred, no phone time. The gym qualifies. I can’t imagine you’re getting that great of a workout while talking because you’re distracted so take the freaking phone back to your locker. It is really annoying.

2. Brazenly naked women. Now I understand the need to shower before you leave, but the gym is the place for a QUICK shower. It is not the place to conduct the same pre and post shower routine you use at home. I don’t need to see you inspect your body for moles. I don’t want to catch you lotioning everywhere. And for heaven sakes do not clip your toenails. Leave those things for later.

3. Those who do not wipe down the machine when done. I do not feel the need to sit in your butt sweat. I just don’t and I really don’t want your funky sweat on my towel. It just makes me cringe.

4. Grunters and screamers - now I realize the last couple of reps can be tough but don’t make weird noises. It just makes people laugh at you.

August 11

5. If you work for the gym don’t try to sell me anything in the middle of my work out. I was on the treadmill, head phones on, about 30 minutes into my workout when one of the trainers actually taps me on the shoulder to hand me a coupon for a free training session. If I’ve got headphones on and I’m staring off into space while sweating don’t talk to me if you don’t know me. I am not in the mood to chat about how my workout is going. I will not be the most receptive to your offer so leave me alone.

Now here are a couple of things I just don’t get:

1. Why do women workout in full makeup? I would imagine you just sweat it off. It’s going to run or cake on your clothes. It cannot be pleasant.

2. Isn’t that thong work out gear uncomfortable. I realize those women in full make up and the thong or short-short work out clothes may not be there to actually workout.

Let’s all work together to make the gym a happier place.

But he’s a good Christian May 7, 2007

I’ve decided that it’s time to dip my toe back into the dating pond. It’s been a year and a half since my last relationship and my friend Doug was right, the men of the world have been deprived of me for far too long. LOL. Too funny.

But seriously, I’m at a point where I’m emotionally healthier and psychologically available. Or at least so I think.

Now as I talk to friends and colleagues about this they’re quick to point out potential suitors in our midst. I’m realizing that I’m not surrounded by very many single men that I’d consider dating, many of them are 12 (or in their early 20s) or just not appropriate. But as I discuss my views I am routinely reminded of one fact that is supposed to trump all other dating quandries, but he’s a good Christian.

Ok, what does that really have to do with anything? That is the baseline of any guy I’d consider dating it’s not the only criteria.

Let’s take this logic out to other arenas. Say, for example, you’re looking for a job in electrical engineering (randomly chosen) and your friends keep bringing you jobs in sales, maintenance, zoo keeping, or in the fast food business. You’d politely remind them that you would like an electrical engineering job. Now if they replied, but it’s a job, why aren’t you applying. Are you being too picky because you want an electrical engineering job? No, we would never say that.

Example #2 - When we’re out searching for a home you don’t settle for something that’s too small, in the wrong neighborhood or too expensive simply because it’s a house. No, you take your time to find the one that is just right for you. It might not be right for someone else, but its right for you because it suits you.

So just because a guy is a good Christian it doesn’t make him compatible. You don’t chuck out all the other things you’d like to have in a mate when he matches in one area. It’s still about chemistry, life goals, a sense of humor and all the other intangibles that let you know you want to move forward and help you weather all the ups and downs. See that is why finding the right one is almost a miracle.

Will Smith on Marriage November 22, 2006

Since I was home sick today I had little energy to anything beyond changing channels.

I was excited to see that Will Smith would be on Oprah. I love Will Smith. I love, love, love him. I think he’s cute, funny, charming and seems like a fantastic husband and father. The song he did with Jada called 1,000 Kisses is one of my favorites. My friend Laticia always made fun of me because of my massive crush on him. I mean when one of his songs comes on I have to stop and sing. Summer doesn’t officially begin until I hear Summertime. Have I mentioned how much I love him. I love him.

He was on Oprah promoting his new movie, Pursuit of Happyness, inspired by the true story of Chris Gardner, a homeless, single father’s pursuit of the American dream. It looks like a great movie, a real tearjerker. It’s awesome to see a father’s commitment to his child regardless of the obstacles and challenges. I think its important to tell this story.

Will stars in this movie with his own 8 year-old son, Jaden. I wasn’t sure if this was his oldest son from his first marriage or his second marriage to Jada Pinkett Smith. So I googled "Will Smith marriage" to get the low down. What I found forever changed my perception of one of my favorite actors. I found a 2005 article with a London newspaper declaring that he and Jada have an open marriage.

Back to 1950 November 1, 2006

As I watched Ellen and The Biggest Loser today I realized that we are going back to a 1950 version of tv, when the commercials were incorporated into the show.

Remember seeing reruns where the beautiful assistant or sidekick would stop and say "this segment brought to you by Sanka", or even in the middle of a show they would stop and say "I like to use Swiss Miss for my hot choco cause its the swellest."

In the era of tivo, advertisers have to work harder and pay more to get viewer’s attention. As I was watching Ellen she had a whole segment of skin care brought you Bliss skin care product. Now I don’t believe for a second that Ellen cares about skin care. It isn’t a natural match for her or her show. But I bet Bliss paid a hefty fee for that 10 minute infomercial.

Then tonight on The Biggest Loser trainer Bob shouted to his team "stay hydrated with Penta water." Is that water different or special? Nope just a brand that paid serious money to be on the show, which is already a televised gym for 24-Hour Fitness, the show’s main sponsor. At least it maks more sense than Ellen promoting skin care.

It’s long been argued that most tv content is filler for advertising now the product is the content.

National Singles Week September 17, 2006

I just learned today that September 17-23 is national singles week.

I must say I laughed, especially when I found the website unmarriedamerica.org, which was created to "celebrate the lives and contributions of unmarried Americans." That makes me feel like a Jerry’s kid. Singlehood isn’t like a race, we aren’t an oppressed minority. We don’t need a movement to get freedoms and rights.

Or do we? I get miffed at work when all the parents get time off to run and pick up their kids, go to a parent/teacher conference, a school function or doctor’s appointment. I worked with one person who actually took calls from the kids in the middle of meetings. They didn’t care who was there or even if they were in the middle of a sentence, the phone was still answered.

Can I get time off to go get a manicure? What about when I need to take my car to the shop because I don’t have a husband to do it for me? Is that grounds to leave early? Can I get an "aunternity" leave if my brother has more kids. I would love to go help out with the baby.

Maybe we are discriminated against. I saw a sign at church for a conference that said singles pay $45 but married couples pay $55. Why is it cheaper for two? That’s not fair. We should get a much cheaper rate since we only have one income to live on. I have to pay for my car, rent, insurance, student loans, etc all on my own. What about letting two singles come for $55. Why not? I’m not even going to get started on how churches don’t know what to do with singles, that is fodder for another post.

Just yesterday I had a conversation with the roommate about rites of passage in your early 20s and what classifies you as an adult. In our culture it tends to be when you get married, have kids and take on a mortgage. So it is difficult for someone who says at 22, "I’m not ready to get married" to know what to do with themselves. They have no idea where they fit in the pecking order. I’m not sure that is any more defined if you’re single in your 30s.

So maybe we do need a week. I think employers across America should allow singles to leave early everyday or take an extended lunch. Hey, if we’ve managed to stay child free there should be benefits to that too. What about special sales at local businesses? Married couples get a break on their taxes why can’t I get 25% off a haircut, pedicure or appetizer at TGIFridays? Let’s celebrate the fact that we are making it on our own and that life is okay. It might not be everything we expected it to be or look like, but when does that ever happen, even when you’re married or in a relationship?

I think too often we rush for the next thing, what’s next on the agenda or in life. Rather than stopping to enjoy where we are at this moment and absorbing all the joy, pain, laughter and love out of it. What have I missed out on because I wasn’t fully present in my life, because I was waiting for something else. Life is found in the messiness of the moment not some future anticipated goodness.

I heard the proverb yesterday that says: Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. (Prov 13:12). Think about that, when we are sitting around wishing for something to happen instead of focusing on what can be fulfilled right now we are literally making ourselves ill. I had a roommate one time who refused to decorate her room or contribute to making our house homey because she didn’t know what colors she would want in her future house with her husband so she didn’t want to spend the money now. Was she dating anyone, no? Was that her only goal in life, yes.

So I celebrate being single. It isn’t always easy. It isn’t always what I want but I am grateful for this season of my life. Here are the top 10 reasons I love being single.