More random nephew stories

My nephews are a never-ending supply of joy, hilarity and levity. Spending time with them always makes me feel better. They have a way of drawing you into the moment. Can’t worry about the future or the past when they’re in the middle of something mischievous and potentially dangerous right this second.

For posterity here are a few recent nephew moments:

1. Tonight Jordy was playing on the computer while I watched TV. I turned to him to ask what he was doing. His said without skipping a beat: shopping for happiness.

2. We were driving down the road and out of the blue Jordy says, “You know you’re not the only aunt we have.” OK. How do you respond to that. He’s a child. He doesn’t know he’s driving daggers into my heart. My first insecure response is, “But I’m your only real aunt since your mom doesn’t have any sisters.” Then Mikey pipes up, “And you’re the only one we connect with emotionally and spiritually.” Score one for Mikey, he does love me. LOL.

3. I will be watching the boys tomorrow morning because they have the day off from school. Jordy loves to cook so I told him we would make some chocolate chip cookies. He said, “That’s too simple we need to show off how well we can cook.” After all, last time we made muffins and he said it was an advanced cooking class with his aunt. Although his suggestion was a soufflé. I have no idea where he heard that. He has no idea what a soufflé is.

Filed under: Mi Familia, Quoting , children, funny moments, joy, nephews

Experience of Grace

”In God’s search to find us, he enters every dark corner of life. Thus, our saving hope is not to be rescued from the dark world but to live in the darkness by the light of Christ. It follows that we can spend a lot less time praying for deliverance from how it is and more time asking to see the face of God in every circumstance.”

– Craig Barnes (Yearning)

I got this quote from a friend this week and it is so true. I would add that our experience of grace in these dark corners really depends on our ability to be vulnerable and open to the depths of the blackness. Do we try to shine the light ourselves cheapening the experience of grace or do we really reflect who he is even in our weakness, defeat,horror, shame and/or sin?

Filed under: Quoting, Reading, Spiritual Formation , book, Craig Barnes, grace, yearning

Issues

I recently heard:

It’s one thing to be aware of your issues and quite another to do something about them.

Isn’t that the truth.

Filed under: Psychobabbling, Quoting , issues, quote, therapy

Five Love Languages for Singles – Physical Touch

Our last love language is physical touch.

Whatever there is of you resides in your body. To touch your body is to touch you.

I love that quote and description. It really puts a different perspective on touch and why its so important. To touch your body is to in essence affect who you are and make contact with your soul. We need to protect our bodies as much as we protect our minds and hearts.

In the book, Chapman identifies four different kinds of touch: appropriate and inappropriate, implicit and explicit. The first pair don’t need definiting. Implicit touches are subtle, fleeting or even accidental. It can be a quick touch to the hand or shoulder. It can imply understanding, emphasis and is okay with people we hardly know.

Explicit touch demands full attention, takes more time, and requires knowledge of and a relationship with the other person. It’s the different between a two pat hug and “leaning.” (Points to those who recognize that reference from “While You Were Sleeping.) It can be sexual, a massage, a good hug, a kiss or even the annoying pinch on the cheek from an aunt.

“Physical touch is a powerful communicator of love. In a time of crisis, more than anything we need to feel loved. We cannot always change events, but we can survive if we feel loved.”

It’s amazing how in moment of pain all we need is a hug. Just somone who is willing to reach into the emotion and let us know that we are not alone. When you think about singles and physical touch its alarming how long some go without being touched in a meaningful manner.

In my small group we always hug one another when showing up and leaving. At first it was a little awkward. I didn’t know them very well and it seemed odd. But now I look forward to it. It has become love to me over time. It is more than just custom or what we do. I like it.

This chapter can’t exclude sexual touch from the conversation. Chapman provides an overview of the sexual revolution and how it has damaged our use of sex. Sex isn’t about satisfying an animal instinct. It shouldn’t be used just to feel better because in the end it errodes our view of love and connection. Our sexuality isn’t limited to our bodies but is an expression of our wholeness through commitment to one person. When we reduce it to just a carnal act we effectively remove the divine from it.

A chapter on physical touch must also include its shadow side – abuse. Physical touch can be perverted causing physical harm to another. This inappropriate touch is destructive and debilitating. In a dating relationship this can be excused as love and ignored but it will get worse if left unchecked.

Real love doesn’t take advantage or use force. It is gentle, appropriate, and it waits for the right time and place to be expressed.

Filed under: Quoting, Reading, Single Serving, Small Grouping, Spiritual Formation , body, book, five love languages, Gary Chapman, physical touch, singles

Restorying – Life Lessons from Chris Rock

I’m suffering from allergies/sinus issues tonight and the effects of a really long week so I’m at home zoned out in front of the tv. After flipping past a thousand, Everybody Loves Raymond episodes I stumbled onto Inside the Actor’s Studio with Chris Rock.

I decided to stop and watch. I like to hear people’s stories. I learned that Rock grew up in a tough neighborhood of Brooklyn. He was bused to a poor, white school where he was routinely discriminated against and beat up.

“It was the defining moment of my life. On the one hand it made me everything that I am and on the other hand it screwed me up badly.”

He went onto say that if he had stayed in his own neighborhood for school he would have been much happier and he knew because of his family he would still have gone on to have a good life. But with this negative experience his life was transformed into something dynamic and rich that in turn reaches millions.

I was blown away by this. It acknowledges the pain of the situation while still showing his strength of character and resiliency. What an amazing perspective on his life. I think I’m starting to get there, somedays.

I definitely dream about how my life would be if I hadn’t gone through some of the stuff in my life. Yet I have a friend from college that I always compare myself too. I always wish I had her life, chances and experiences.

She grew up in a loving, stable home. Her dad had a great job. Her mom stayed home to raise the kids. They loved each other, took family vacations and lived in the suburbs. She was pretty and popular in high school, but she didn’t care and was nice to all. She graduated with honors, finished college in three years, debt free because mom and dad paid for it. Then she got her dream job, met the love of her life, got married, bought a house and proceeded to have 2.5 kids – a boy and a girl of course.

I’ll admit that I was jealous. Since I met her, my freshman year of college, I was convinced that if I only I had her life I would be happy, fufilled, and just better. I always wondered why her life was so golden when I struggled for everything. I felt like my life was lived up hill both ways in high-heels and she walks on flat ground with comfy, aerodynamic sneakers.

Most days I feel like the anti-her. How do I get from jealous to resilient? How can I transform my pain into something I can use for good and not for evil? I’ve let it make me feel shameful for far too long.

Like Rock, I just need to learn to see my experience differently. I guess my M.A. in psychology is for use on myself. In therapy I would guide a client to restorying their life.

Instead of seeing the negative you have to learn to see the positive things that happened from the darkest moments. This is when you know the light at the end of the tunnel really is the other side and not an oncoming train. It is a sign of healing.

That seems trite but its true. I don’t know if I’ll ever think of my life as better than my college friend, but it is my story and my life, what happens with it is what I have control over.

This idea is the epitome of what is meant to destroy us God uses for our good. Our pastor says God takes those awful, difficult times and makes it seem like they were part of his will for your life. Not that he wishes us to suffer, but that so integrates it into our story that we’re able to draw from it to help others. I can’t wait.

Filed under: Pop Culture, Quoting, Spiritual Formation , chris rock, comedian, comparison, life lesson, negative experience, resilient, restory

God’s Will For Me

I’ve been writing a lot lately about finding God’s will, especially as I try and figure out what to do with my life. How are we supposed to know how to find it? Is it waiting for a sign? Listening for a voice? Or do we decide and hope he blesses us or stops us as we move forward.

I rebuffed my former small group leader’s idea that God spoke to us through small ultimatums that we give him based on our limited understanding. I know its not a yellow brick road but I feel like I’m hitting my head on a brick wall trying to figure out what to do.

I just want to do what God wants me to do. I know that in that space there is joy, fulfillment, peace and contentment. This is a deeper, gnawing at my soul, type of discontentment. Right now I just feel a little lost, confused and a lot uncertain. I’m not unhappy, I’m not unpeaceful. I just feel stuck. I know this isn’t new for me. These have been the feelings of the year, perhaps a lifetime.

Outwardly, things are good. I know I have a good job and I’m grateful for it. I love my boss. He’s encouraging and empowering, unlike any other boss I’ve ever had. He pushes me to do and be more.  Roommate is good. I mostly like her, she’s a little bit messy for my taste. She’s happy and pushes me to be more vulnerable. She asks questions that border on inappropriate, according to me, but that’s ok. I’ve also made some great new friends and am enjoying getting to know them.

Yet there is still a restlessness that plagues me, like something is missing. My life should be more, it should feel/be/seem different. What am I not getting? For a while I thought it was marriage, that would fill the void, so I tried to make the relationship with Brian work. But in the end I was more lost, confused and uncertain. Now, 11 months later I feel like I’m getting back to center, that I remembering who I am and the journey God has me on.

As I read Henry Nouwen’s book, Gracias! I hoped his struggle with discerning God’s will would fill in the missing pieces and help me figure out what God wants me to do. Nouwen says:

Today, I realized that the question of where to live and what to do is really insignificant compared to the quesiton of how to keep the eyes of my heart focused on the Lord… There is not such a thing as the right place or the right job. I can be happy and unhappy in all situations. I am sure of it, because I have been. I have felt distraught and joyful in situations of abundance as well as poverty, in situations of popularity and anonymity, in situations of success and failure. The difference was never based on the situation itself, but always on my state of mind and heart. When I know that I was walking with the Lord, I always felt happy and peace. When I was entangled in my own complaints and emotional needs, I always felt restless and divided.

It is a somple truth that comes to me in a time when I have to decide about my future. coming to Lima or not for five, ten, or twenty years is no great decision. Turning fully, unconditionally and without fear to the  Lord is. i am sure this awareness sets me free to look around here without much worrying and binds me to the holy call to pray unceasingly.
(pg 151-152)

Maybe the restlessness is my soul longing for my time with God. I’m not good at being still. I’ve been forced more so this year than any other, everything I depended on, other than God, has been stripped away. But I still struggle to sit in his presence and be still, not speaking, not demanding, just being. I’m much more of a doer than a be-er.

I still feel like there is something else I should be doing. Maybe that will subside as I learn to be.

“’I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.’”  John 15:5 (NIV)

Maybe I need to figure out what it means to abide in God. How does that work? What does that look like? How does abiding relate to sustaining?

These are a lot different type of questions than I usually ask God. Maybe that’s the beginning of abiding.

Filed under: Quoting, Reading, Spiritual Formation

Will Smith on Marriage

Since I was home sick today I had little energy to anything beyond changing channels.

I was excited to see that Will Smith would be on Oprah. I love Will Smith. I love, love, love him. I think he’s cute, funny, charming and seems like a fantastic husband and father. The song he did with Jada called 1,000 Kisses is one of my favorites. My friend Laticia always made fun of me because of my massive crush on him. I mean when one of his songs comes on I have to stop and sing. Summer doesn’t officially begin until I hear Summertime. Have I mentioned how much I love him. I love him.

He was on Oprah promoting his new movie, Pursuit of Happyness, inspired by the true story of Chris Gardner, a homeless, single father’s pursuit of the American dream. It looks like a great movie, a real tearjerker. It’s awesome to see a father’s commitment to his child regardless of the obstacles and challenges. I think its important to tell this story.

Will stars in this movie with his own 8 year-old son, Jaden. I wasn’t sure if this was his oldest son from his first marriage or his second marriage to Jada Pinkett Smith. So I googled "Will Smith marriage" to get the low down. What I found forever changed my perception of one of my favorite actors. I found a 2005 article with a London newspaper declaring that he and Jada have an open marriage.

Filed under: Pop Culture, Quoting, Ranting and Raving, Relationshipping

Single Quote

The most reliable callings are born from reflecting on a situation that is more or less imposed on us. A vocation is nearly always a way of accepting a situation that was first of all considered a limitation.

Roger Mehl, Love and Society

Filed under: Quoting, Single Serving

Robbing the Cradle

I’m dating a guy who’s twenty-one. That’s seven in boy years. Lisa Goich, broken heart expert and author of The Breakup Diary.

Just to clarify, I’m not really, I just like the quote. My general rule of thumb is to never date anyone younger than my brother (who is 2 years younger). Every time I break that rule I regret it. Then again, I haven’t had much luck with older guys either. Maybe age isn’t my issue with men. Food for thought.

Filed under: Quoting, Relationshipping

We live the life we want

"Many people think they want things, but they don’t really have the strength, the discipline. They are weak. I believe that you get what you want if you want it badly enough."

- Sophia Loren

Filed under: Quoting