Issues November 3, 2007

I recently heard:

It’s one thing to be aware of your issues and quite another to do something about them.

Isn’t that the truth.

Five Love Languages for Singles - Physical Touch October 9, 2007

Our last love language is physical touch.

Whatever there is of you resides in your body. To touch your body is to touch you.

Chapman identifies four different kinds of touch: appropriate and inappropriate, implicit and explicit. The first pair don’t need definiting. Implicit touches are subtle, fleeting and don’t require any thought or premeditation. It can be a quick touch to the hand or shoulder. It can imply understanding, emphasis and is okay with people we hardly know.

Explicit touch can be a massage, demand full attention, take more time, and this kind requires knowledge of the other person, what they live and who they are. This touch implies relationship. It’s the different between a two pat hug and “leaning.”

“Physical touch is a powerful communicator of love. In a time of crisis, more than anything we need to feel loved. We cannot always change event, but we can survive if we feel loved.”

It’s amazing how in moment of pain all we need is a hug. Just somone who is willing to reach into the emotion and let us know that we are not alone. When you think about singles and physical touch its alarming how long some go without being touched.

In my small group we always hug one another when showing up and leaving. At first it was a little awkward. I didn’t know them very well and it seemed odd. But now I look forward to it. It has become love to me over time. It is more than just custom or what we do. I like it.

This chapter can’t exclude sexual touch from the conversation. Chapman provides an overview of the sexual revolution and how it has damaged our use of sex. Sex isn’t about satisfying an animal instinct. It shouldn’t be used just to feel better because in the end it errodes our view of love and connection. Our sexuality isn’t limited to our bodies but is an expression of our wholeness through commitment to one person. When we reduce it to just a carnal act we effectively remove the divine from it.

A chapter on physical touch must also include its shadow side - abuse. Physical touch can be perverted causing physical harm to another. This inappropriate touch is destructive and debilitating. In a dating relationship this can be excused as love and ignored but it will get worse if left unchecked.

Real love doesn’t take advantage or use force. It is gentle, appropriate, it waits for the right time and place to be expressed.

Restorying - Life Lessons from Chris Rock March 19, 2007

I’m suffering from allergies/sinus issues tonight and the effects of a really long week so I’m at home zoned out in front of the tv. After flipping past a thousand, Everybody Loves Raymond episodes I stumbled onto Inside the Actor’s Studio with Chris Rock.

I decided to stop and watch. I like to hear people’s stories. I learned that Rock grew up in a tough neighborhood of Brooklyn. He was bused to a poor, white school where he was routinely discriminated against and beat up.

“It was the defining moment of my life. On the one hand it made me everything that I am and on the other hand it screwed me up badly.”

He went onto say that if he had stayed in his own neighborhood for school he would have been much happier and he knew because of his family he would still have gone on to have a good life. But with this negative experience his life was transformed into something dynamic and rich that in turn reaches millions.

I was blown away by this. It acknowledges the pain of the situation while still showing his strength of character and resiliency. What an amazing perspective on his life. I think I’m starting to get there, somedays.

I definitely dream about how my life would be if I hadn’t gone through some of the stuff in my life. Yet I have a friend from college that I always compare myself too. I always wish I had her life, chances and experiences.

God’s Will For Me November 26, 2006

I’ve been writing a lot lately about finding God’s will, especially as I try and figure out what to do with my life. How are we supposed to know how to find it? Is it waiting for a sign? Listening for a voice? Or do we decide and hope he blesses us or stops us as we move forward.

I rebuffed my former small group leader’s idea that God spoke to us through small ultimatums that we give him based on our limited understanding. I know its not a yellow brick road but I feel like I’m hitting my head on a brick wall trying to figure out what to do.

I just want to do what God wants me to do. I know that in that space there is joy, fulfillment, peace and contentment. This is a deeper, gnawing at my soul, type of discontentment. Right now I just feel a little lost, confused and a lot uncertain. I’m not unhappy, I’m not unpeaceful. I just feel stuck. I know this isn’t new for me. These have been the feelings of the year, perhaps a lifetime.

Will Smith on Marriage November 22, 2006

Since I was home sick today I had little energy to anything beyond changing channels.

I was excited to see that Will Smith would be on Oprah. I love Will Smith. I love, love, love him. I think he’s cute, funny, charming and seems like a fantastic husband and father. The song he did with Jada called 1,000 Kisses is one of my favorites. My friend Laticia always made fun of me because of my massive crush on him. I mean when one of his songs comes on I have to stop and sing. Summer doesn’t officially begin until I hear Summertime. Have I mentioned how much I love him. I love him.

He was on Oprah promoting his new movie, Pursuit of Happyness, inspired by the true story of Chris Gardner, a homeless, single father’s pursuit of the American dream. It looks like a great movie, a real tearjerker. It’s awesome to see a father’s commitment to his child regardless of the obstacles and challenges. I think its important to tell this story.

Will stars in this movie with his own 8 year-old son, Jaden. I wasn’t sure if this was his oldest son from his first marriage or his second marriage to Jada Pinkett Smith. So I googled "Will Smith marriage" to get the low down. What I found forever changed my perception of one of my favorite actors. I found a 2005 article with a London newspaper declaring that he and Jada have an open marriage.

Single Quote September 22, 2006

The most reliable callings are born from reflecting on a situation that is more or less imposed on us. A vocation is nearly always a way of accepting a situation that was first of all considered a limitation.

Roger Mehl, Love and Society

Robbing the Cradle September 12, 2006

I’m dating a guy who’s twenty-one. That’s seven in boy years. Lisa Goich, broken heart expert and author of The Breakup Diary.

Just to clarify, I’m not really, I just like the quote. My general rule of thumb is to never date anyone younger than my brother (who is 2 years younger). Every time I break that rule I regret it. Then again, I haven’t had much luck with older guys either. Maybe age isn’t my issue with men. Food for thought.

We live the life we want July 13, 2006

"Many people think they want things, but they don’t really have the strength, the discipline. They are weak. I believe that you get what you want if you want it badly enough."

- Sophia Loren

Value of Nothing April 18, 2006

A co-worker got me a wacky quote-a-day calendar for my birthday last year called, Wild Words from Wild Women. A lot of them are silly, many are ridiculous but occassionally there is a gem. The quote for today falls into the latter category.

"I used to believe that anything was better than nothing. Now I know that sometimes nothing is better." Glenda Jackson, two-time Oscar winner turned UK Minister of Transport.

That definitely hits me where I live right now.

He is Enough March 4, 2006

I’ve finally figured out how to read Lauren Winner. I treat each chapter like a blog entry, then it doesn’t bother me that there is little form and structure. Now can I really read what she’s saying and absorb her observations. I am really enjoying the book, Girl Meets God.

She wrote an entry for Christmas that I think really works for Easter. She’s having a particularly lonely time after just breaking up with her boyfriend and being far from her family and having just converted she’s new the holiday itself. She knows life is bigger than she is, but she’s stuck in the moment and needs Jesus to be a little more real, she needs some of the glory of the next life now just to make it through.

"You are supposed to be enough," I tell the icon. "That you came to Earth is supposed to be enough."…"It is enough. It actually is. If this is all I ever have, this glimmer of knowledge that you were born in a manager, that really will sustain me."

As I try and prepare my heart for Easter I know that his death on the cross was enough to cleanse me of my sins so that I can live the abundant life. But I struggle so hard to live in the power of that act. I’ve lived most of my life afraid and defeated.

I think one of the keys to breaking free is confession. It’s a scary word in the evangelical world. How much of ourselves do we really reveal. What sins can we cop to and which ones should stay secrets. I think the Catholics are headed in the right direction with the idea that there should be a point of accountability with one person we can trust to know us completely ON THE EARTH, not just God.

Sometimes I think I need to say outloud, God in the middle of all my messiness, loneliness, fear, confusion, uncertainty you are enough for me. I don’t need anything else, maybe if I say it then it can seep into my brain and filter down to my heart to be true.