Lessons Learned from Tori Spelling

Preamble – First of all I have to say that I am addicted to Tori & Dean Home Sweet Hollywood. I have watched since season one and will watch til the last episode. I think she’s fascinating. Maybe its the poor little rich girl thing, but Tori’s so real about who she is. She isn’t ashamed of her flaws. She embraces who she is. I love it.

Now onto the real blog post.

Last week was the season finale of Tori& Dean Home Sweet Hollywood, with Stella’s one-year birthday party. The big question was, will Candy show up? You knew she wasn’t. She said it was because of the cameras and she didn’t want to be on the tv show. I think that’s crap. If you want to be in your daughter’s life, for real, you do whatever it takes. There are no strings. There are no conditions. There is no question. You show up. You’re there, regardless.

So, when she didn’t show up Tori was devastated, again. She was crying. Dean was frustrated. But in the end, during one of the last interviews of the season Tori finally got it. She finally had a way to deal with her mother and it started with her. She realized that she had to stop being a victim. She was in a position to be hurt because she put herself there. She had unrealistic expectations. It was time to own it and deal with it privately. No one could stop the cycle but her. She had to stand up for herself and her family.

OOoohhhh! That’s it. A light went off for me. This so related to my life. I have to stand up and take responsibility for my life. I can’t keep waiting here in Ohio for my family to be a family. I”m here because I made the choice to come. I have to step up and take my life back. They are who they are. They are going to keep trucking down their road and I need to get on mine.  Now to figure out how and what and where.

Another benefit is that by owning my actions and emotions it helps avoid anger, bitterness and resentment. It doesn’t mean I’m not hurt, but it makes me step back and analyze where I put myself in an unhealthy situation. I have to draw better boundaries. I have to be true to me. I have to stand up for me. UGH! All of that is much harder than I thought. I still want them to love me so I hesitate everytime I need to say something. Baby steps. See because love is conditional you don’t have the freedom to say no, it comes with great consequences. So, learning to stand up for yourself and say, in the immortal words of Baby in Dirty Dancing, “this is my dance space and that is your dance space.”

Now, for some this is a no brainer. But when you grow up in a dysfunctional family where love is conditional and often manipulative it’s not so cut and dried. You have to learn on your own, with therapy and through the friends that become like family, how to be a functional, healthy adult. These things do not come naturally. We have to be told not to give until you’re depleted. We have to learn that co-dependence does not mean they love you. It takes time to figure out that even though we change and work through our junk, they may continue in the same crap that you drug yourself out of, it’s called denial.

So thank you Tori Spelling for sharing your ephiphany with us and allowing me one of my own. See God will use any means necessary to speak into our lives, even through Tori Spelling.

Filed under: Pop Culture, Psychobabbling , anger, bitterness, boundaries, daughter, family, mother, Oxygen, parents, Tori Spelling, victim mentality

Grease

On Friday, Sandy and I went to the Palace Theatre in downtown Canton to see Grease on the big screen.

It was a pajama party and singing was highly encouraged. Pajamas and singing, count me in. We donned our robes and slippers, braved the rain and tuned up our voices. At the historic movie house we bought pom-poms for a quarter and waiting anxiously for the strains of Love is a Many Splendored Thing.

Most everyone in the audience knew the words to the songs and dialogue. We spoke them together in one accord, cheering for Rydell, booing the mean Danny Zuko, and glad the Hand Jive was alive once again.

Only four when the movie was originally released, this was my first time to see it on the big screen. It was awesome. A fun night singing, shouting and losing yourself in the moment.

I have seen Grease at least 100 times and it never gets old. Although as an adult I’m amazed at how risque this movie is. As a kid, I really had no idea what I was watching. I didn’t get half of the jokes. As it should be I suppose.

I am such a sucker for sing-a-longs. I think I have an inner broadway star anxious to get out.

Filed under: Friendshipping, Pop Culture , Grease, John Travolta, movie, Olivia Newton John, Sing-A-Long

Quick Trip to Chicago

Needing to get away from family drama I escaped for the weekend to Chicago. It was also a great chance to visit my cousin Joey. We haven’t gotten to spend significant amounts of time together in years. So this was the perfect opportunity.

Besides, I love Chicago. It is one of my favorite cities. It is sophisticated without snobbery. The people are wonderful. There is wonderful architecture, great restaurants and a fantastic nightlife.

Since I was in desperate need of a change of scenery I really didn’t care what we did. I just wanted to hang out, have fun and forget about my life for a minute.

Continental Airlines wasn’t really helping with that endeavor. The flight from Cleveland to Chicago, which is only an hour was delayed for five hours. Yes, count them, five. It would have been faster for me to drive to Chicago. We were supposed to arrive at 7:30 p.m. instead I got in at 12:30 a.m. Then Joey and I stayed up talking until 4:30 a.m. It was great but we got a very late start on Friday.

After a yummy breakfast we headed into the city. It was so cold that we decided to do drive-by siteseeing. I’ve been to Chicago several times so I was cool with this. Honestly, we were so busy gabbing that I didn’t really pay much attention to anything. However, on one of the backstreets we found an amazing view of the city. So we drove through this deserted construction site and saw that there were two cars already back there. Joey pointed out that they were probably having an affair. I wanted to take a picture but he reminded me that we were in mafia town, so probably not a good idea.

We then ventured towards Oz Park, took some silly pics and went off to meet his friends for drinks at Side Track, the premier video gay bar in Chicago, so they said. We ended our night at a severely greasy spoon called Melrose.

Saturday we still didn’t make it out very early, but thats ok cause we’re off to see grandma. It was great to be with her. Sometimes no one gives you love, encouragement, and support like grandma. She surprised us by having our favorite meal – her traditional soup and brownies. It was hard to say goodbye to her but we had tickets to Jersey Boys and had to get back to the city. Jersey Boys is so much fun. I forgot how many great songs the Four Seasons have. We had another great night capped at Miller’s Pub, right by the theatre. It had a great vibe.

On my last day in Chicago I did the one thing I really wanted to do, visit Millenium Park, designed by my favorite architect, Frank Gehry. The park is spectacular and the view of the city is too. I highly recommend a visit, just go when its above 10 degrees. I’ve heard tale of the lake effect but until you experience the wind humming off the water to slice you in two, you have no idea. Brunch was at Ann Sather’s in Andersonville which was delicious. It is also a cute little neighborhood full of fun stores. I’d love to go back there and explore some more.

Sadly, it was time to go home. I had a delightful, wonderful time with some of my favorite people. We had a blast. It was just what I needed. Next time I think I’ll visit when its a bit warmer.

Filed under: Mi Familia, Pop Culture, Travelling , Andersonville, Ann Sather's, Chicago, cleveland, cousin, escape, Four Seasons, Frank Gehry, Frankie Valli, Jersey Boys, Millenium Park

He’s Just Not That Into You [2009]

A movie about the obvious that apparently bears repeating in book and movie form. So in case you were wondering if he/she’s sleeping with someone else, not calling, married, or is not marrying you – he’s not that into you.

I thought this movie would be funny, cute, with clever dialogue. It really isn’t. It’s trite, cliche and kind of a sad look at dating and women in America.

This movie is packed full of big names like Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Scarlett Johansen and Jennifer Connelly. It tells the tale of urban professionals trying to date and find love. A new generation’s Singles if you will. But in the end there are too many stories to follow to really develop any of them and it ends up being stereotypical instead of poignant or relevant. It’s a superficial look at life and love.

I just wasn’t into it.

Filed under: Pop Culture , movie

A Pastor’s Prayer for Our New President

I choose to echo the prayer of my former pastor and boss today.

The time for debate and speculation about Barack Obama is over. As a citizen of the United States it is my duty and privilege to pray for him and his family. He is assuming leadership of a very troubled nation struggling for viability in a global economy. We as a people are at the crossroad of our history and legacy. Who is to blame for these troubles doesn’t even matter right now. What matters is that we pray for Obama’s strength, integrity, wisdom, insight and leadership.

I support him 100%. In my opinion, to do otherwise is to undermine what our country is about – freedom and opportunity. [Read a great blog post calling Christians to listen to their rhetoric]

Today was historical. For the first time children of color have a role model in the White House. Minorities are finally represented in the highest office. This is something to be celebrated by all.

Filed under: Pop Culture , American, Barack Obama, Inauguration, Prayer, President, Support

Grey’s Anatomy back on track

I was worried about Grey’s Anatomy.

I was afraid it jumped the shark. I was afraid Shonda Rhimes had lost her magic. I was afraid it had permanently gone down hill. Why was I so afraid – last season sucked. There was little to no quirk. The storylines were stagnant. The cases were weak. It was dreary and boring. Blame it on the writer’s strike or whatever, it was just BAD.

But now five episodes into season five and it is back to good. The writing is funny. The storylines are quirky, clever, compelling, and emotional – all of the reasons I watched to begin with. YEA!!! Thank you Shonda. I don’t know what you got as a result of the strike but I’m glad you have gotten your proverbial writer’s groove on. These last two weeks have been especially good. Last night moved me to tears. So Good.

I also have to say I’m glad that the Erica Hahn storyline is dead. I agree that there was no where to go with her character. She didn’t fit into the chemistry of the show at all.

WHI-HOO!! The Grey’s Anatomy I knew and loved is back.

Filed under: Pop Culture , grey's anatomy, shonda rhimes, tv, writing

Go Vote

Regardless of who you’re voting for I implore you to get out and vote.

My dear and lovely friend Danielle told me that if you do vote the following businesses will give you something for FREE and in this economy who couldn’t use something gratis:

– Starbucks – 1 free cup of Joe
– Ben & Jerrys – 1 free scoop of ice cream
– Krispy Kreme – 1 free star shaped donut

So go vote and I pray fervently that God’s will be done. I was reminded during a special prayer night for the election on Friday that God is bigger and more powerful than all of the political machinations and rhetoric. I know that but often forget. Lord knows that we need his wisdom, guidance, and intervention now.

Filed under: Pop Culture , God's will, political, presidential election, voting

Palin in Canton today

Sarah Palin is in Canton today. She’s speaking at McKinley high school. We got tickets to see her but decided at the last minute not to go. I’m so incredibly sick of politics, smear campaigns, empty promises and rhetoric that goes no where. I don’t think I could bear a pep rally for Republicans on top of it.

I’m not sure how I feel about Sarah Palin. She seems to polarize most with little to no middle ground on her. You love her or hate her. I can’t imagine what its like for her family right now going through an unplanned teen pregnancy while running for the highest political office.

We have a friend that went and she said it was amazing. That Sarah was poised, polished, and compelling. Maybe I should have gone, would have been interesting to judge her for myself first hand. I got the chance to do that with Hilary Clinton and confirmed my suspicions about her.

I’ll have to check you tube and see what comes up.

Filed under: Pop Culture , Election, Hilary Clinton, politics, Sarah Palin, vote

Paris Je T’aime [2007]

Wanting to escape my own thoughts I turn to my trusty instant viewing on Netflix. I decided to watch Paris Je T’aime as an escape. A movie all in french paying homages to Paris has to be distacting in the least.

The movie is comprised of eighteen short films, by critically acclaimed directors such as Wes Craven, Coen Brothers,Gus Van Sant, Gurinder Chadha, Wes Craven, Isabel Coixet, Walter Salles, Alexander Payne, Oliver Assayas, Alfonso Cuarón, Christopher Doyle and Tom Tykwer. Each was given three days to film a five minute segment about love in a different geographical section of Paris.

The result are 18 different view of the city, 18 different stories and points of view that range from the deranged, to the lonely, maternal, paternal, old love, new love, broken love and addictive love. It’s erotic, sad, depressing, happy, bittersweet and confusing.

There are stories you relate to immediately and those you wonder what the heck they’re talking about. But at the end of the film you love Paris and want to immediately go there. The city is shot beautifully, lit up like a bride, and as comfortable as an old, worn-in love.

It was good.

Filed under: Pop Culture , movie

Movies to Cry With

For years I wouldn’t let myself cry about life, instead I cried at the movies. And when I say cry, I mean sob. Not just quiet sobs but body-shaking, every-orifice-on-my-face-leaking crying that leaves you gasping for breath. You know where you are catching every third or fourth breath, even after you’ve stopped crying. Yea, it doesn’t make me popular with friends. I even had one that scooted down and abandoned me in the middle of the movie – lol. That bad.

So every now and again I will watch a movie I know will make me cry just for the emotional cleansing it provides. I’ve spent enough money in therapy to be able to identify my own emotions but sometimes its nice to cry over someone else’s life and problems.

So here’s my list of the Top 10 Tearjerker movies, in no particular order:

1. Steel Magnolias – I cry at the same spot every time – at the graveside when she says: “I’m fine. I’m fine. I could run a mile, but my daughter can’t, she never could….” I’m tearing up as I write this.
2. The Notebook – when James Garner cries, I cry. I read this book on a plane and really embarassed myself.
3. Beaches – The quintessential friends movie. UGH. Every freakin’ time it gets me.
4. My Life – I sobbed for about two hours after this one – granted it was the anniversary of my grandma’s death. But still – he’s making a lifetime of videos for his kids cause he’s dying, that is so cry worthy.
5. Crush – with Andie McDowell, this is the movie where my friend left me cry alone. I was moved, what can I say. It’s about missed opportunity because of fear.
6. Terms of Endearment – just tragic
7. The Color Purple – powerful story
8. A Walk to Remember – Nicolas Sparks is a master manipulator of emotions. Yet, I still love this movie, even though Shane Sparks has an annoying lip purse ala Ryan Phillipe.
9. Philadelphia – with Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington – amazing.
10. Million Dollar Baby – this movie took me by surprise, the first half is funny, the second half rips your heart out.

I just found The Notebook on ABC Family, I’m gonna go cry right now.

Filed under: Pop Culture , crying, emotion, movies