Mike and Marti Show

One of my sisterly duties upon return to Ohio is to help my brother, Mike, write his papers. He is in his 14th year of study for his B.A. If only he listened to me he’d have a PhD by now. But he didn’t, he chose a family and the mission field instead. Noble. Yes. Quick study? No.

He is getting his B.A. in counseling. So, it has also led to some very interesting discussions about the church, friendships, marriage, parenting, dysfunctional families and of course our issues. One day, over a discussion about the failure of the church to help people to learn how to be in relationship, resulting in divorce numbers in the church being the same as regular society I realized this was good stuff.

I decided it would be very fun to do a podcast. But just like deciding against staying in school to get married at 18, Mike didn’t listen to me. However, as his studies wind down he warmed up to the idea. I’m glad this didn’t take 14 years to come around, instead just a couple of months. I’m hoping our podcast turns out as well as his marriage.

This first podcast is an interview of each other. We just wanted to see how it worked, if we were annoying “on-air.” But the bottom line is we had a lot of fun. It is a chance to us to connect in a different way. It’s not about being siblings but learning to be friends. Learning to respect each other as adults. We realized that as brother and sister we play off each other well. We don’t let each other get away with anything.

So our goal is to talk about the taboo, the irrational, the Christian, the unChristian, funny, poignant and most of real topics that hit our everyday lives. This is our new therapy. I’m sure there will be lots of embarassing stories, crazy personal details and laughs. I can’t wait to see what happens.

Check out our podcast and its accompanying blog, with no extra batteries required.

Filed under: About Me, Mi Familia , podcast, siblings

Realizations in California

I had a fantastic time in California. It was awesome to be in the sun, with friends, eating delicious food and just no pressure. There was no where I had to be, nothing I had to do and no responsibility whatsoever, who wouldn’t love that? I was living life as I used to know it. LOL. Which sounds a bit odd, but it’s true.

Living near family requires a different mindset. There are certain responsibilities you have simply because you’re a part of the family. After living away for 15 years it’s been an adjustment to get used to being an aunt, a sister, a niece and a daughter again.

I struggle drawing healthy boundaries in the family scenario. We all slip back into the roles established when were seven. It’s like being a Disney star, you are locked into your contract for life. This process is hard.

When I left for CA I was so overwhelmed, feeling like I was responsible for fixing what was wrong in my family. I am the peacemaker. I make sure everyone is ok. It is the role I have played my entire life, one that I felt was required of me. That is a heavy burden to bear. Is exhausting, stressful and enfuriating. When I left I felt smothered, lost and I couldn’t think. As I flew west I could literally feel the weight fall off me. I had to reconnect with who I am and what I want.

In CA, through the help of friends I realized it’s not my job to fix my family. Ta dah. It’s that simple. I have to let myself off the hook. I don’t have to carry the burden of the family, to make sure we’re all ok. That ephiphany set me free. When I realized this I could let go. I can let go of them. I can let go of the problems. I am only responsible for me. Phew. I’m enough trouble all on my own. LOL. I need a new definition of who I am with them.

Now, I have to move forward in my life. I’m trying to decide if I want to move back to California or can I find my own life in Ohio? I’ve also decided I’m going to finish my licensure to become a therapist. I’m only a year away and it feels like something undone in my life. Whether I pursue my PhD after that who knows.

That’s all I’ve come up with so far. LOL

Filed under: Friendshipping, Mi Familia, Psychobabbling , boundaries, roles