This trip back to California has been great. It has been wonderful to re-connect with friends, spend time in the sun and relax a bit after weeks of hecticness back in Ohio. I’ve felt peaceful for the first time in weeks.
I’m sure its no surprise that I’ve wondered if I want to move back here. Do I really want to stay in Ohio? When I think about it I just feel sad. I love my family but I feel like I’m slowly dying there. I have even blurted out to both of my parents this week that I don’t want to go back. I know they weren’t shocked. I also know this leaves my dad in the lurch with the business. He depends on me for a lot but they both want me to do what makes me happy.
I remember the reasons I returned, to deal with some of the demons from my past, reconnect with family and figure out what it is I want to do with my life. I feel like I’ve accomplished some of those things.
But even as I contemplate the possibility of moving somewhere else, I don’t know what I’m moving towards. I still don’t have a definitive career path. I still don’t have a goal for my life. So would I be returning with many of the same questions I left with?
Now I’m confused, sad, and emotional. I don’t feel like I really belong anywhere. I don’t have a sense of home in any place. I’m always wishing I were somewhere else. When I’m with my wonderful friends I miss my family. When I’m with my family I desperately miss the life and friends I have here. It’s a no win situation. Maybe I’m just feeling sorry for myself.
Filed under: Friendshipping, Living in LA LA Land, Living in Ohio, Mi Familia , California, family, moving, Ohio
The room with a view in Pennsylvania might be an option.
I have found someone who sounds like myself! I lived in Los Angeles for 13 year then returned to the UK. Now thinking of returning to LA again. Have that feeling of never feeling properly settled anywhere. What did you end up doing???
Hey Susan! I was in CA for 15 years. I think when you’re there as long as we were, we became natives without realizing it. I’m still in Ohio trying to figure out how to get back to CA. In this economy its tough. What did you do? I’ll trade ya – you can live in OH and I’ll move to the UK
I know what you mean though, I don’t feel settled anywhere. I feel like I’m doomed to the wander the planet forever, to be completely melodramatic about the whole thing.
Moved to the UK, married, 2 children, sponsored them for green cards, now have a problem leaving parents and sister to go back but really like it there in Ca. It isn’t easy. Maybe should never have gone there in the first place ha ha! No wouldn’t have missed the great time I had there.