Religiosity in Action June 18, 2008

St. Augustine say that the church is a whore but that whore is still his mother.

Brutal truth about an institution that I wonder if is more harmful than helpful. It sets itself up in judgement of many, setting standards for all, and can feel more like a social club than a sacred place of any sort of worship. I realize my own opinion of church is jaded by a lifetime of participation and 21 years in and near church leadership. I’ve seen the underbelly of both the congregation and those in power.

I go through waves of enchantment and disillusion with this institution that Christ died to redeem with his love. Yet I often find it to be the last place to experience any sort of love or acceptance. I won’t even begin to rant about the church and women. I will just say that the church as it stands today often feels misaligned with what God wants to do in the world. It seems devisive, out of touch and driven by personal agenda and politics.

But I digress. I don’t normally dwell on these things. I usually accept the church as a broken institution run by needy, broken people. We all make mistakes and occassionally get misguided. My cynicism is generally balanced in my heart with some of the amazing experiences I’ve had in its warm maternal embrace. So my opinion is generally tempered by the genuine, compassionate people I’ve met that have made my life richer and better. In the midst of the pain and angst I am reminded of the good to be found there. I can’t throw the baby out with the bathwater but must be faithful to the whore, who is my mother.

The angst of my church fire was recently stoked vicariously through my father’s experience. He was one of the pastors at a church here in Ohio. A couple of disgruntled church staff and their friends got together last summer, when the pastor was on vacation, to stab him in the back, spread ugly rumors and basically slander him and anyone associated with him. It was started with insidious little lies that erroded confidence in him and called his integrity into question. They acted maliciously disguised with a furrowed brow of concern convincing themselves that they were doing God’s work. It’s sad really the things we say that we do in the name of God. I suppose that’s why Jesus said many will claim do to things in his name and he will say depart from me I knew you not.

Last night we heard a fresh round of rumors of things my dad supposedly did, didn’t do and should have done that were just silly. We also heard some of the just downright mean things they’re saying about him as a chaser to the other rumors. In the midst of being tired, worn out and weary my dad shrugs most of it off. As his daughter it makes me angry. I want to go punch the righteous indignation right off their faces. I want to beat them til they repent. I want to be the vehicle of vengence that God uses to exact his wrath and justice. Not exactly a holy response of love either.

But in his gentle spirit my dad says it doesn’t matter what they say, he knows what’s true. He also reminds me that the innocent don’t need to defend themselves. He will continue to stay to the course God has given to him. My dad is much better at turning the proverbial cheek than I am. But I know he’s right. If someone has decided to hate you, disapprove of you or otherwise there is nothing you can do. And at the end of the day it doesn’t matter what they think. I can’t stand in place of judgement against them, that isn’t my job. I just have to watch my own integrity. It’s hard because I feel like my dad has been wronged.

But I suppose it isn’t about who is right or wrong it’s about the attitude and motivation of the heart. This is when we show true love to the unlovely and our enemies. UGH. Hard.

I need to keep growing and learning how to love, because I still wanna street fight.