The Shack April 29, 2008

At work this week people were all a-twitter about this book called, The Shack. They were using words like amazing, revolutionary, inspiring and life-changing. Wow! That’s a tall order for a book. So Ty lent me her copy and I read it today on the plane.

All I can say is, oh my goodness. This is book is amazing, revolutionary, inspiring and life-changing. It tells the story of Mackenzie Phillips and his encounter with God after the murder of his daughter. Grappling with a great sadness that cripples his life, he shuts out God and abandons his faith. But God in his infinite love comes to find him, quite literally.

The Shack provides a refreshingly new look at how God interacts with us and what he really wants from us, a relationship. This is definitely not a trite, cliched Christian novel. It is about a journey to the heart of God and what he wants to tell us.

There were moments where I so identified with the character that I was sobbing, he echoed the cries and questions of my heart. I finally got a glimpse of what “being with God” is all about. I don’t even think I understood some of it, or agreed with all of it, but I walked off the plane tonight feeling like I spent the day with God himself. That’s a good book.

My Fair Lady April 26, 2008

Debbie and I got the last two seats available for the My Fair Lady performance today at 2 p.m. There were only a handful of seats left for the entire weekend, so we were thrilled. I love My Fair Lady. So we trekked up to the Ahmanson Theatre in LA with great anticipation.

Unfortunately, it was slightly disappointing. There was little to no chemistry between Henry Higgins (Christopher Cazenove) and Eliza (Dana DeLisa). We realized half way through that the main actress to play Eliza was Lisa O’Hare, but that the performances were split by date between the two actresses. DeLisa didn’t possess the charm, innocence or charisma needed to be Eliza. Perhaps it was her limited experience. Perhaps it was her inability to master the necessary cockney accent. Perhaps it was her lack of presence. But Eliza is the central character, so it just tainted everything else.

Debbie wondered if maybe we were just spoiled by Audrey Hepburn. But I don’t think so, when we saw Fiddler on the Roof on Broadway I didn’t miss Topol. It’s a question of ability to do the role. So if you’re going to get tickets to see My Fair Lady when it comes to your town, make sure you’re going to see O’Hare. I hear she’s amazing.

Overall the show was good. The scenery was phenomenal. The costumes were spectacular. The supporting cast is great. Marni Nixon, the voice of Audrey Hepburn in the movie, brought everyone to their feet when she walked on stage as Mrs. Higgins. Tim Jerome, Alfred P. Doolittle, is hilarious as the nare-do-well father. They even added a street performance with trash-can lids. The Ascot scene is expertly choreographed, a treat to watch.

I think we were also put-off because they continued to let people into the theatre up to 30 minutes after the show started. So we constantly had people climbing over us, talking, and flash-lights in the eyes for a while. It was terrible. We even talked to the house manager about it and she said that there was nothing they could do, the tour manager said they could let people in through the duration of the show.

Still a fun day in LA and in the theatre.

Flat Mikey April 25, 2008

When I left CA Jordy’s first-grade class had just read Flat Stanley. The story of Stanley Lambchop and his adventures after being flattened by a bulletin board. His class then participated in The Flat Stanley Project and mailed flat versions of themselves to those they knew far away. So I took Flat Jordy on all my last adventures in CA and in the new adventures as we drove cross-country. He visited the Grand Canyon, Route 66, Painted Desert, Big Texan, helped us drive, ate combos and other assorted activities.

Feeling left out Mikey created a flat version of himself for me to take with me this trip to CA. He took time to draw and color both the front and back of himself. He took special care in selecting the perfect shade of brown to represent his skin tone. It was quite cute. He gave me strict instructions in the care and feeding of Flat Mikey. I am not allowed to take him in the girl’s bathroom because boys shouldn’t go in there.

So far Flat Mikey has been to California Adventure (to ride the Tower of Terror), to the beach, and to the flower fields in Carlsbad. He has played office golf, in the palm trees and fountains at Irvine Spectrum. He has eaten Cuban food, gelato, and pancakes.

Who knows what other adventures we will find for Flat Mikey.

Back to the Motherland April 23, 2008

I am back in California this week for work. I am so loving the weather and being with friends. As usual the week is a whirlwind of activity and people. I hardly know where to do or what to do first. I feel like a cartoon character whose feet are moving 8 million miles an hour.

When I came back last month it felt weird. I was acutely aware of the fact that I didn’t live here anymore. Everything felt odd, I didn’t know where I belonged or what I was supposed to do. This time it felt like coming home. I wanted to go back to our condo, with my roommates and to my stuff.

In someways I feel like I never left. I have amazing friends that keep up with me and stay connected to me so being here with them is just a continuation of a perpetual conversation. Only now instead of wracking up the minutes on the phone it’s in person, over a delicious meal, or while doing something we love, like riding Tower of Terror. In some ways, I feel more like me when I’m here. It’s more familiar. I know where I am. I know how to get most places. The routine is familiar. The people are known.

But I am also acutely aware that I am not supposed to be here right now. This is time for faith stretching, discovering new parts of me, making new friends (with my family), learning to trust in the unknown. I still don’t have answers to the questions God is asking of me and that I am asking him. In many ways its easier to live with that confusion and uncertainty in the unfamiliar, because then I have no way or desire to wrestle control away from him. I need him everyday for sanity. I depend on him everyday for direction. I have to seek him in ways I never had to here.

It’s still hard. I still really don’t like Ohio. I’m still often bored. But in Ohio God has my undivided attention, I have nothing else to do. I hope I learn quickly. I learn better through adversity. I’m just stubborn like that.

Musings on Being a Contractor April 21, 2008

One of the things that has made my transition from full-time employee to full-time job searcher has been a stint of contracting for my former employer. Since I left I have been working on marketing one of our conferences.

At first it was an adjustment to working from home, all alone, but I have to say it has definitely grown on me. This has been a growing and stretching experience for me. I like security. I like safety. I like knowing I will have a check coming in every other Thursday. So to be on an hourly basis, with no group insurance plan has been challenging to my way of thought and my comfort level. But inspite of all these fears the benefits outweigh the perceived risks and fears. I think it’s also helped that I’m contracting with people I know, doing a job that I could do in my sleep.

So here are a few things I like:
- Being in control of my schedule. I can make time in the middle of the day to go read at Jordy’s school, take my dad to the doctor or bake cookies if I want.
- I like being able to work from anywhere - the library, coffeeshop, living room, basement, airport, hotel room - here or there, I can work from anywhere. This means I can travel anywhere with a wireless internet connection. I really want to take advantage of that more.
- I like being out of the greater sense of office politics. I don’t have to deal with lame staff meetings. I don’t have to be worried about the latest round of ridiculous changes.

I’m bummed that my contracting days will be coming to at end in June, especially since that means they won’t be asking me to come back out to CA. I like knowing that once a month or so I’ll be going back to see my friends, spend time at the beach, and bask in the sunshine. That is a GIGANTIC perk.

Yet, I don’t know if I want to look for another freelance gig. It would be odd to market myself. I’ve never thought of my skills outside of a specific job situation before. It is something to consider. Maybe this is something I could persue this year, especially in this economy companies might be more apt to contract that to hire full-time.

But for now I’m off to CA. I will be broadcasting from the Motherland through the 29th.

Being vs Doing April 20, 2008

The other night I had a great conversation with a friend from California. I miss my friends so much. While I love being with my family they weren’t really part of the last 15 years of my life. The majority of my history is with friends. So I miss that part of me. I miss hanging out. I miss experiencing life with them.

Anyway, Debbie and I had an amazing conversation catching up on life and I got a chance to think out loud about my life here in Ohio. I find myself growing restless (shocker I know). I want to know what’s next. Where am I going? What will I do? What job will I have? Where will I live? As I processed this outloud I realized another reason why I’m here. I have to learn how to be still.

I am Martha.

It is more than my name it is a state of mind. I so identify with Martha in the bible. She was organized, efficient, and worried about taking care of people. She nearly missed out on being with Jesus because she was concerned with the household chores. Jesus actually rebuked her attitude.

I am like that. I am master of details, a schedule and planning. I lived my life constantly on the go. I had every night booked. I hated to be quiet. I never sat still. I wasn’t comfortable doing nothing. It made me antsy and anxious. It felt like I was wasting time. There had to be a purpose to everything. I lived a life completely overstimulated.

Cut to, moving to Ohio. There really is nothing to do here. I kid you not. For four to five months out of the year you’re stuck inside, and that’s just winter. This year we had record snow falls, up to 20 inches one weekend. Forget about summer where its so flippin hot that just walking outside requires another shower. Not to mention the nuclear sized bugs that have the power to eat you alive.

At first it was nice to relax, settle down, and enjoy the quiet life. That wore off, after about 6 weeks. I have started to go a little stir crazy. itching to get out, do something, go somewhere. A big day for me now is going to Wal-Mart, playing Guitar Hero with my nephews, and baking some cookies. I don’t even recognize myself. I often fight against slipping into a sort of depression. I have no energy. I sleep all the time. I miss my friends. I miss my life. Who I am I now?

I am finding I have to force myself to think of the benefits. It’s nice to have no schedule sometimes. I am free to go and do anything during the day. I am free to wander off and explore unknown areas - where, no idea, but I could if Ohio quickily sprouted something to look at.

I need to be grateful for this time to unwind, figure out what I want and just be. I am not what I do. I am not where I go. I need to be still. This applies to my relationship with God as well. I’m finding that the more quiet I can become the more I can hear him. Shocker. Why is that so hard for me to remember?

I have to create space for him in my life, beyond church, beyond rushing through devotions, and beyond reading spiritual books. I’m learning to discover how to just sit with him. It’s so hard. I tried to sit in silence a few weeks ago and I think I got maybe 10 good minutes in. The rest of the time my mind wandered to a million topics ranging from weather to world peace. I gave up.

But I can say I am beginning to settle down. As my brain unwinds it’s amazing how much easier it is to concentrate on anything, not just God. I am learning simple pleasures. I feel like I’m in a detox program of somesort. Now that I’m off the overstimulation of life in CA I can really smell the roses. I’m enjoying my gardening and baking. LOL. It feels so pendantic but its been great.

Happy Passover April 18, 2008

Tonight we went to local Messianic Jewish temple to celebrate Passover with them.

I have never participated in this festival before. It was interesting and very long. We started at 6 and got home at 10:30 p.m. In protestant terms that’s a long time at church.

Passover is the Jewish celebration of God’s deliverance from Egypt and freedom from bondage and slavery. Celebration of this is fulfillment of His commandment to tell future generations of his goodness, provision and salvation.

We ate foods that reminded us of the bitterness of suffering, the tears shed by those in captivity and the offering of salvation through the lamb. A lot of the service was in Hebrew with select English translations.

The significance of each portion of the evening is amazing. But what I never connected before was how this ties into Jesus and his death on the cross. I always knew that the first communion took place during Passover, which is why the disciples were gathered in the Upper Room. But Jesus was showing them how he would offer total freedom from the bondage of sin with his body and blood.

It was a great history lesson and a reminder of how God is the same yesterday, today and forever. His mercies are new everyday because of he gave us Christ.

Feeling Old April 15, 2008

I realized the other day after I listened to my nine-year old nephew ramble on about teeny bopper celebrities I’d never heard of that I am officially old.

There is a whole generation of teen stars I know not of. Granted that isn’t earth shattering but up until this point if I could identify most of the acts on MTV and knew most of the people referred to in E! Online News I was doing ok, I hadn’t officially slipped into the “old category. But who the heck is Ashley Tisdale or the Jonas Brothers? I have no idea who is on The Hills. I have no desire to see anything with Raven Symone or Hannah Montana. Pop Culture is alluding me. Maybe it’s because I no longer live in its mecca, Southern California. No, I’m just getting old.

My nephews cemented my “oldness” when Mikey told me that I was out of touch. LOL. He got really irritated with me when I had never seen “The Suite Life of Zack and Cody” and he had to explain the finer points of “Drake and Josh” to me. It didn’t help when he learned I hadn’t seen most of “Star Wars.” He wanted me to drop everything and watch them that second. Even though I’m bored out of my mind, I drew the line of love right there.

I do get some cool points back because I play a mean guitar in Rock Band. Phew.

Rainbow Sky April 11, 2008

Rainbow Sky, originally uploaded by greenbeangirl74.

Today when I came out of Best Buy I was digging around in my purse looking for my keys. In midst of my fumble and usual panic to find my keys I noticed there were a couple of people just standing there looking at the sky, It had been raining so I thought they were just waiting to make the mad dash to their car. But when I finally looked up the sky was full of this beautiful full rainbow. I have never seen one so big or so complete.

Normally I just see a piece of it but this time i could see the whole arch, it was AMAZING. I was flabbergasted by the vibrant, brilliant colors. The sky was pretty dark and the colors just lit up the sky. Above this one you could see the faint outline of another rainbow. Of course all I had was my cameraphone but it didn’t do too bad capturing it.

Everytime I see a rainbow I am reminded that it is a symbol of promise. God made a rainbow to seal the promise he made to Noah that he would never destroy the earth again by flood. It reminds me that he is faithful to his promises. So a rainbow amidst all the rain reminds me of God’s love. Sometimes that rain is figurative and metaphorical but his love is real.

Rennaisance Marti April 6, 2008

In light of spring and it’s implication of all things new I have decided to broaden my horizons and explore unknown parts of my creativity through the acqusition of new skills and talents.

The first talent on my list is that of gardener. I helped all day yesterday and today in the yard with the grunt work to get to my real task of planting flowers and prepping the ground to have a garden. We bought flower seeds, herb seeds, starter trays, potting soil and other gardening accoutrements yesterday at Wal-Mart. The task for today is to get the seeds planted in the little trays. I have never really undertaken this kind of work before. Most of the time I live in the city, in an apartment, with no land and no real desire to take care plants and flowers. But there is something therapeutic and relaxing about working with the soil and in the yard. So we’ll see how this goes.

My second project is that of sewing. The extent of my current sewing skills is buttons. I can however sew on a mean button. Normally I don’t have the patience for this kind of thing. But yesterday at Wal-Mart mom ran to the craft section to see what they had. This is a ritual of hers since she loves all things crafty and sewy. As I “patiently” waited for her to peruse the fabric and beads I started to flip through the pattern catalog. I saw this really cute little bag. It was in the “easy” section so I decided to give it a try. Should be interesting. I did however find very cute fabric, so I’m excited, for now.

Well I’m off to get the plants started.