I am in the throws of wrapping up my California life. For the most part I have a lot of energy and a lot of help so I’m doing okay. Erika came by on Tuesday to get me officially organized, and to kick my butt into packing mode. It works. She is amazing!! I think that could really be her next job.
Most of the time I’m excited and ready to move on. Yet there are those twinges when I wonder if I let go too soon. Everyone around me is beginning to make plans for things I won’t be apart of. Since I have no vision for what my immediate future will be I start to get a little anxious and melancholy. There is a part of me that wants to stay here with what I know and where I feel secure.
At work I am in the middle of strategizing and planning for something I will not see come to fruition. There is all this excitement and energy in the planning and I want to be here to see it accomplished, but I won’t be. If I dwell in those moments too long I get sad. Today after a really great brainstorming session for a future project I started to whine and pray about my future, what it would be and what I was afraid I was missing.
In the middle of my whine/prayer a former co-worker called me to check in. I haven’t talked to her in at least five months, she didn’t know I was leaving. We chit-chatted for a few minutes to catch up. After talking to her about what God has done with her since she left and the doors that have opened up I began to feel hope for things to come. While mourning what I’m leaving behind God sent me a glimpse of possibility – hope.
I felt that certainty when I first resigned and decided to move, but I think that fades as I get into task mode, as I try to control more of the situation and as I keep looking down for the net. After I got off the phone I was so grateful for her call, now I pray for more of those moments, the divine appointments with people who will give me a taste of the good things to come. I pray for the next opportunity that God presents me and that I be ready to leap for it.
Last night in Bible Study our verse was from 1 Timothy 2:7: “For God did not give us a spirit of fear (timidity), but a spirit of power, love and discipline.” That really hit me. If I choose to live in fear with caution and trepidation of my circumstances then I have a faith problem. I am labeling this problem as impossible when there are a million verses that say otherwise. (Matt 19:26, Isa 41:13, Luke 18:27)
I need to repeat that to myself almost daily.
Filed under: Friendshipping, Spiritual Formation
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