Our last love language is physical touch.
Whatever there is of you resides in your body. To touch your body is to touch you.
Chapman identifies four different kinds of touch: appropriate and inappropriate, implicit and explicit. The first pair don’t need definiting. Implicit touches are subtle, fleeting and don’t require any thought or premeditation. It can be a quick touch to the hand or shoulder. It can imply understanding, emphasis and is okay with people we hardly know.
Explicit touch can be a massage, demand full attention, take more time, and this kind requires knowledge of the other person, what they live and who they are. This touch implies relationship. It’s the different between a two pat hug and “leaning.”
“Physical touch is a powerful communicator of love. In a time of crisis, more than anything we need to feel loved. We cannot always change event, but we can survive if we feel loved.”
It’s amazing how in moment of pain all we need is a hug. Just somone who is willing to reach into the emotion and let us know that we are not alone. When you think about singles and physical touch its alarming how long some go without being touched.
In my small group we always hug one another when showing up and leaving. At first it was a little awkward. I didn’t know them very well and it seemed odd. But now I look forward to it. It has become love to me over time. It is more than just custom or what we do. I like it.
This chapter can’t exclude sexual touch from the conversation. Chapman provides an overview of the sexual revolution and how it has damaged our use of sex. Sex isn’t about satisfying an animal instinct. It shouldn’t be used just to feel better because in the end it errodes our view of love and connection. Our sexuality isn’t limited to our bodies but is an expression of our wholeness through commitment to one person. When we reduce it to just a carnal act we effectively remove the divine from it.
A chapter on physical touch must also include its shadow side - abuse. Physical touch can be perverted causing physical harm to another. This inappropriate touch is destructive and debilitating. In a dating relationship this can be excused as love and ignored but it will get worse if left unchecked.
Real love doesn’t take advantage or use force. It is gentle, appropriate, it waits for the right time and place to be expressed.
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