Unpacking January 31, 2007

The move is over and the unpacking has officially commenced. I hate unpacking.

I manage to unpack the utilitarian things but the bits and pieces that make it a home usually stay packed. At my last place I waited a year before I hung pictures, and only then because my parents were coming to visit.

I don’t know why but I detest it. Maybe its from years of moving. Maybe I hate sorting through my stuff. For the last six years every time I moved I unpacked less and less until just a remnant of what I need is out and displayed in my home. I have lived a nomadic existence.

I think that’s indicative of how I chose to live my life. I didn’t settle down. I didn’t grow roots. I didn’t get involved. I was present in body only.

The sad thing is the content of those boxes are important to me. They are full of memories, mementos, paintings I love, pictures I’ve collected and other significant things in my life. They are essentially parts of who I am, but I chose to keep them boxed up, hidden and out of site. I chose to remain distant, aloof and absent.

This time I have vowed to unpack every single box, bag, suitcase and tote. I will leave nothing packed up. Usually I tell myself I am in a temporary situation so what’s the point. Not this time. I don’t care if I’m there one year or ten, every box will be opened. I started on Monday night. I opened a box of yearbooks that has been packed for 5 years. It was like finding an old friend.

I am happy that I am at a place in my life, surrounded by people that let me be me. I am excited to be in a healthy living situation that is open and honest. I am grateful for this opportunity to grow. I know it isn’t going to be all sweetness and light. I know sometimes it’s going to be hard.

I also know it is going to be a good experience, no matter how long it lasts, because this time I’m going to unpack. This time I’m going to actually be there. I will be present! I will not just go through the motions.

Almost done moving January 28, 2007

I’m so tired my hair hurts. It’s been a long day, though very productive.

Most everything has been moved. Thanks to the help of some very dear, kind, generous people it went very well. You know who loves you when it comes time to move. Unfortunately now I can’t move. I lay here listless and semi-comatose even as I write this. My head is supported on a pillow and the only thing moving are my fingers. I’ve even lost the muscle power necessary to blink.

I need to rest up I have to go back to the old place tomorrow for one more carload full of stuff. Yep the stuff in boxes that will be sorted later. I also need to clean for my walk through with the landlord on Wednesday. I have no desire to go back. It’s like once the majority of your stuff is out all emotional ties to the place have been severed so why go back. It just seems silly. If only I could apply that to other parts of my life.

But tomorrow I’m off to patch nail holes, clean and fully vacate my home for the last year and a half. Now that I think about it I get a little nostalgic. Too tired to be sentimental right now.

It feels good to be in a new place.

Apartment Dream Come True January 26, 2007

God is really found in the details.

I found a blog post from January 29, 2005 about my dream apartment. I was unhappy with where I was living and wanted to move, but my roommate at the time didn’t want to.

All I was dreaming of was a place with washer/dryer hookups, open floor plan, vaulted ceilings and dual master suites.

The place we’re moving into in two days is all that and more. It has three master suites, 24′ vaulted ceilings, granite countertops, hardwood floors, and the all important washer-dryer hookups.

See Jesus does love me.

Roommate Perspective January 26, 2007

Only two more days til the big move.

I’m almost packed. I’m down to the last little bit that makes you want to cry. You know, the stuff that all gets thrown into one giant box to be sorted later.

I haven’t talked about this move that much. It’s been a hard move but not a hard decision, if that makes sense. Living with the 22-year old wasn’t going so well. There is just a huge difference in life between 22 and 32. It’s like the difference between 10 and 20. So much learning, growing up and identity formation happens between those ages its almost ridiculous.

It reminded me of when I was 22 and lived with a 30 year old. We only survived four months together. She was resentful of the fact that I was around, she wanted to live on her own but have someone pay half the rent.

While I don’t think I was that bad I can definitely see her point. At 30 who wants to have a roommate let alone one so young that is idealistic, raw, and immature in many ways? So if nothing else this experience has helped heal the former one. It helps me understand her and that whole situation a lot better.

Looking back I realize that the next place I lived was in Fullerton with three crazy girls, one of whom was Erika, a true kindred spirit. So you never know awaits you around the corner. I’m hoping this next experience is like that.

Musical Magic Eight Ball January 23, 2007

I found this questionnaire on the blog Art * Play * Possibility where your answers are determined by your music player.

The instructions were: "Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING."

Here are my answers:

How does the world see you?
Love is Here to Stay, by Harry Connick, Jr, When Harry Met Sally Soundtrack
Not a shabby way to start

Will I have a happy life?
Secret Place by Karen Clark-Sheard, Wow Gospel Album 2003 Disc One
So only in secret I’m happy? Or maybe like Mary I will ponder it all in my heart??? I’m at a loss.

What do my friends really think of me?
Final Answer, The Calling, Camino Palmero
LOL, not really

Do people secretly lust after me?
Breath of Heaven, Amy Grant, Home for Christmas
Ooh nice I am brought in by the angels, how sweet. Or does that mean I’m just a nice girl and not lustable material? Is that bad or good?

How can I make myself happy?
Why Don’t You & I, Chad Kroeger/Santana, Shaman
Hmmm… go on vacation, skip school, run away, decorate the living room, lots of possibilities.

What should I DO with my life?
God is Real, India.Arie on Voyage to India
Maybe only God knows, but starting with acknowledging he’s real, always good.

Will I ever have children?
In the air tonight, Phil Collins, Hits
Only if its a miracle.

What is some good advice for me?
Do Right Woman, Do Right Man, The Commitments Soundtrack
Do the right thang…

How will I be remembered?
Summer Wind, Michael Buble, Michael Buble
This conjures up images of a light, airy, bubbly person. That I am not.

What do I think my current theme song is?
Stupid, Sarah Mclachlan, Afterglow
LOL, too funny.

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
Only Heart, John Mayer, Heavier Things
I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am learning to lead from it, so that’s good.

What song will play at my funeral?
Respect, Aretha Franklin, 30 Greatest Hits, Disc 1
Amen Aretha. In small group this week we were talking about respecting ourselves, and remembering our worth - timely very timely.

What Type of Men/Women do I like?
When Love Comes to Town, U2, Best of 1980-1990.
People who are loving are good.

What is my day going to be like?
Mambo Italiano, Rosemary Clooney, 16 Biggest Hits
Does that mean it’s going to be a day where I don’t understand anything and it feels like they’re speaking another language, not a good sign.

What does your itunes say about you?

U-Haul Online Charging to use System January 23, 2007

I just learned a very inconvenient lesson from U-Haul.

I used their handy-dandy online reservation system to make sure I had a truck to move on Sunday. Well they routed me to a store in Tustin, about 25 miles away from where I am moving to and even further from where I live now.

I opted not to pay the .79 a mile, an extra $39.50, simply to go get the truck and take it back, and cancelled my reservation. But for the joy of using the online reservation system I was charged a non-refundable $5.

It’s not the amount, it’s the principle of the matter. They charged me to use the freaking web site? How ridiculous is that?

Lesson learned: Call your local U-Haul rental place directly. It is cheaper and faster.

Contemplating Africa January 21, 2007

Our church is presently forming 2007’s short-term missions teams. Our small group is committed to Rwanda since that is where they went last year.

I am committed to going on a missons trip this year. I’m just not sure its Africa.  I don’t have a burning passion to go. Or if I use christianese - I don’t know if feel called there.

I think everyone should take a mission trip, they are life changing. I spent six years in Mexico City and saw abject povery, experienced a different way of life and will never be the same. But is this trip for me, I don’t know.

Growing up in a missionary family we hosted about a thousand short-term mission trips in our home and church. After observing them I always thought these trips were much more about the people going than the people being served. Maybe that’s my issue.

Maybe once I have an idea of what we’ll be doing I’ll be able to decide. I did go to the introductory meeting for tonight. I have until March to make up my mind.

Maybe I need to go just for me. My name isn’t Martha for nothing.

No Sugar Heaven January 21, 2007

My favorite drink at Starbucks just got better.

My misto can now rejoice with sugar-free cinnamon dolce syrup. Ooh heaven in a cup. Couple that with a no sugar added banana muffin and it’s a good morning.

I think my little diabetic heart skipped a beat.

I don’t believe any other place offers as many sugar-free or no sugar added products. For answers to all your Starbucks questions check out this page from a former Barista.

Amazing Grace [2006] January 19, 2007

We got the chance to view a special screening of Amazing Grace yesterday. It chronicles William Wilberforce’s quest to end slavery in England, one hundred years before it ended in the U.S.

Deciding between a life as a monk or in politics he was convinced that his faith could be lived out in action. His dedication required endurance and perseverance through a long, hard fight against his countrymen relying on this inhumane practice to fuel their economy.

Wilberforce’s mentor, John Newton, author of the hymn Amazing Grace and a former slave ship captain, provided the anthem for his life reminding him that we have all sinned and are given the gift of grace in Christ.

I had never heard of Wilberforce before, but was really inspired by his story. A God-given passion for an insurmountable task. The right team was assembled and the right people were put in place. I mean his best friend was made prime minister of England at the age of 24, when does that happen?

It also makes you wonder what atrocities and giants of our day should we be fighting, regardless of what is popular. What issues of social justice do we need to stand against? What do I stand for? What am I passionate about?

Like Freedom Writers the fact that this was a true story makes this a great movie. The cinematography is beautiful. The cast is great, I mean when you have Albert Finney playing John Newton it really sets the tone and level of performance. The movie itself moves a little slow in the second hour.

I highly recommend it. Learn more about The Amazing Change. See the movie on February 23. 

Process of Redemption January 19, 2007

Our homework in counseling this last week was only three questions, but they required that you bare your soul on a piece of paper.

The first was why do you want to be a church counselor? Pretty inocuous.

The second was, list three areas that God has worked in your life in the last three years. That’s easy too. I’ve learned to accept his love, live in grace and the value of community. Those three things revolutionized my life, but are easily stated. It’s always easy to state the positive.

But the next one was a doozie, what life experiences do have that would help you be a good counselor? Yikes. I could either be open and honest or be superficial and cop out.