Battling the Singleness Funk

It’s amazing how God meets us just where we are.

I had a hard weekend. I couldn’t shake the singleness funk. So I do what I do, I got busy. On Saturday I was running a bunch of errands to prep for the boys and during lunch I stopped to make my daily call to them to see how they’re surviving the wait.

Mikey came to the phone and reminded me of when he called me two months ago wanting to plan a trip to California next summer. He had been seeing Disney commercials on tv, thought it would be a great trip and he hoped to get to take it someday soon.

As he was going on and on and on about all the things he wanted to do out here and hoping it could happen soon I was biting my tongue so hard and grinning like a cheshire cat. He wondered about the timing. He wondered how expensive it was. He wondered if his dad could get the time off work. I just tried to be calm, be supportive and be quiet.

I wanted to tell him we already bought tickets. I wanted to tell him that the trip of his dreams was happening in two months but knew if I did his wait would be impossible. It wasn’t the right time. I also knew that if I told him his dad would kill me.

I even reminded Mikey how amazing it is that God knows everything that is going to happen to us and the perfect timing for it when we pray. He agreed. We laughed. Then Jordy got on the phone, called me a buckethead and had to go.

I didn’t think of our conversation again until last night. As I prayed and tried to feel God’s presence in my loneliness, questioning and wonder I was reminded of it. God does know the perfect timing of all the good things he has planned for me. He knows how it will be brought to my life. As I worry about everything maybe he is silent because he’s smiling at me knowing that exactly what I want and need is just around the corner

Just like I knew exactly the date and time Mikey would be coming to California God knows my future, when I’ll meet someone, and all the details that go with that. It was so amazingly comforting to me. It felt like my father reached down, hugged me and told me he had it all under control.

Then when I was reading my nighly psalm I found:

The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your love, O LORD, endures forever—
do not abandon the works of your hands.
Psalm 138:8

How great is that! I also read an article from Christianity Today’s Camerin Courtney’s article aptly named, "A Letter to Myself in a Future Singleness Funk."

She must have known it was coming. It’s nice to know other people suffer the same way, sad but true. She has these important words of advice to share:

1. Read journals for reminders of God’s past faithfulness and keep doing it.
2. Read Psalm 30 – pour out all emotion to God, get angry but keep talking. "Just make sure to listen on the other side of your tirade. You may be surprised by his response. There may be things he needs to challenge you on, think you’re doing or not doing that triggered this funk. Or he may just quiet you with his love (Zephaniah 3:17)" This is how I found my psalm prayer and promise. I forget that it’s okay to rage at God. When I do this then I don’t have to turn to destructive patterns that just ruin everything anyway.
3. Call friends who will make you laugh, then call a friend who will pray with you. Tap into the support network this is no time to go alone. Don’t suck it up. Don’t stuff it down with chocolate, tv, or shopping.
4. Help someone else. Focus on someone else. It will take your mind of yourself.
5. White-knuckle the truth, hold onto it for dear life, remember the promises God gives us about his love for us:

God is crazy about you and he is sovereign. Even if these things don’t feel true or seem like enough right now, hang on to these truths for dear life. He calls you his masterpiece (Ephesians 2:10), he has etched you on the palms of his hands (Isaiah 49:16), and he assures you nothing can separate you from his life-altering love (Romans 8:38): "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels or demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Nor will singleness nor any related funks. Really. Hallelujah.

Amen Courtney.

Filed under: Single Serving, Spiritual Formation