Dating in your 20’s vs 30’s

The roommate, as she is now affectionately named, is going on a big date tomorrow night. She is FREEEEAKING out.

It’s kind of fun to watch.

Since she only lives in two emotions, total elation or abject despair, watching her vacillate between the two is better than a front car, no hands ride on a great roller coaster. She paces around the house, screams, sighs and asks me a million questions about what she should say, do or ask.

Granted, I haven’t been on a first date in about a million years, ok three, but I don’t remember being so dramatical about it, except for when I was about 23. The date was with someone I REEEALLY liked and all my roommates gathered to help me pick out the outfit, do my hair and fix my make up. They coached me on what to do, be and say. It was so much fun. It was a group effort to make sure I was ready. Tonight maybe not be with a group but the process doesn’t change.

I think the great thing about dating in your early 20s is the naivete, hope and just sheer joy of going out. Life is about being social and keeping your calendar full and dating is the culmination of both of those goals. The intrinsic hope to every date, semi-date or group outing was the hope that you might have just met, "THE ONE."

Now dating in your 30s is completely different, you’re more cynical and jaded. Life is about your career, family and getting enough sleep. So filling up your social schedule with dates isn’t a priority. I want to spend time with people who make me laugh, who are important to me and who are fun. I don’t need the adventure of random dates anymore.

But by this point in my life I’ve been out with so many losers my hope for most dates, other than survival, is that he isn’t too big of a freak and that the conversation is decent. Gone is the delight simply at going out. In fact, gone is the little-girl fantasy that every date could be "the one." Not that I’m not excited about it but I realize it takes a little more work and I also know what I want know.

In my 20s I never worried about how I felt about him, I just wanted to make sure he liked me. I see that echoed in the roommate’s questions and fears. She can’t yet see who she is or all the amazing things she has to offer. I gently remind her that she owes him nothing and that she needs to make sure and stop to see how she feels. Does he deserve her? Her biggest fear, deep down, is that she isn’t enough.

So, I suppose it’s a little sad that the naivete is gone, but at the same time I have so much less tolerance for ridiculousness. I don’t feel the need to date every guy that might ask just to go out or know that someone wants me. I like being by myself and I’m finally liking who I am.

After a long week at work nothing brings me more joy than staying home, eating take out and watching a movie. The wonderful quiet. Would it be nice to share with someone, absolutely. Is it a necessity? Not anymore.

Filed under: Relationshipping

Generation Gap

As the ever-skinny Calista walked across the Emmy stage tonight, my fresh-faced 22-year-old roommate casually asked, "who is that?" This question comes from a girl that owns every season of the original Saved by the Bell.

It’s hard to believe there is a generation of people who don’t know about the dancing baby. Yes, I realize that Ally McBeal is not a cult classic but it does reveal a deep generation gap. I’m feeling old. I have a feeling that this is the first in a long-line of incidences where I will feel very old with her.

Would I go back to being 22, not for a million dollars.

Filed under: Pop Culture

Brownies and Sex oh my

Ok, not that kind of sex.

The roommate and I are having a hopping Saturday night with chocolate and Sex in the City – Season One. How cliche are we?

Since she is 22 going on 10, she hasn’t seen the series before. Am I corrupting her by letting her watch it? I feel like we need to have a discussion after every episode to make sure she knows that’s not how really works. I want to make sure she knows that one-night stands aren’t good for you and that sex should be taken more seriously. I mean she’s a wholesome girl for heaven sakes.

But I resist all mommy urges and say nothing. Although I still feel the need to fast-forward through the sex scenes, either that or cover her eyes. She laughs at me and tell me I’m being silly.

Although I do feel better by having introduced her to Waiter Rant, at least that’s a positive influence.

Filed under: Single Serving