Dating in your 20’s vs 30’s August 31, 2006

The roommate, as she is now affectionately named, is going on a big date tomorrow night. She is FREEEEAKING out.

It’s kind of fun to watch.

Since she only lives in two emotions, total elation or abject despair, watching her vacillate between the two is better than a front car, no hands ride on a great roller coaster. She paces around the house, screams, sighs and asks me a million questions about what she should say, do or ask.

Granted, I haven’t been on a first date in about a million years, ok three, but I don’t remember being so dramatical about it, except for when I was about 23. The date was with someone I REEEALLY liked and all my roommates gathered to help me pick out the outfit, do my hair and fix my make up. They coached me on what to do, be and say. It was so much fun. It was a group effort to make sure I was ready. Tonight maybe not be with a group but the process doesn’t change.

I think the great thing about dating in your early 20s is the naivete, hope and just sheer joy of going out. Life is about being social and keeping your calendar full and dating is the culmination of both of those goals. The intrinsic hope to every date, semi-date or group outing was the hope that you might have just met, "THE ONE."

Now dating in your 30s is completely different, you’re more cynical and jaded. Life is about your career, family and getting enough sleep. So filling up your social schedule with dates isn’t a priority. I want to spend time with people who make me laugh, who are important to me and who are fun. I don’t need the adventure of random dates anymore.

But by this point in my life I’ve been out with so many losers my hope for most dates, other than survival, is that he isn’t too big of a freak and that the conversation is decent. Gone is the delight simply at going out. In fact, gone is the little-girl fantasy that every date could be "the one." Not that I’m not excited about it but I realize it takes a little more work and I also know what I want know.

In my 20s I never worried about how I felt about him, I just wanted to make sure he liked me. I see that echoed in the roommate’s questions and fears. She can’t yet see who she is or all the amazing things she has to offer. I gently remind her that she owes him nothing and that she needs to make sure and stop to see how she feels. Does he deserve her? Her biggest fear, deep down, is that she isn’t enough.

So, I suppose it’s a little sad that the naivete is gone, but at the same time I have so much less tolerance for ridiculousness. I don’t feel the need to date every guy that might ask just to go out or know that someone wants me. I like being by myself and I’m finally liking who I am.

After a long week at work nothing brings me more joy than staying home, eating take out and watching a movie. The wonderful quiet. Would it be nice to share with someone, absolutely. Is it a necessity? Not anymore.

Generation Gap August 27, 2006

As the ever-skinny Calista walked across the Emmy stage tonight, my fresh-faced 22-year-old roommate casually asked, "who is that?" This question comes from a girl that owns every season of the original Saved by the Bell.

It’s hard to believe there is a generation of people who don’t know about the dancing baby. Yes, I realize that Ally McBeal is not a cult classic but it does reveal a deep generation gap. I’m feeling old. I have a feeling that this is the first in a long-line of incidences where I will feel very old with her.

Would I go back to being 22, not for a million dollars.

Brownies and Sex oh my August 26, 2006

Ok, not that kind of sex.

The roommate and I are having a hopping Saturday night with chocolate and Sex in the City - Season One. How cliche are we?

Since she is 22 going on 10, she hasn’t seen the series before. Am I corrupting her by letting her watch it? I feel like we need to have a discussion after every episode to make sure she knows that’s not how really works. I want to make sure she knows that one-night stands aren’t good for you and that sex should be taken more seriously. I mean she’s a wholesome girl for heaven sakes.

But I resist all mommy urges and say nothing. Although I still feel the need to fast-forward through the sex scenes, either that or cover her eyes. She laughs at me and tell me I’m being silly.

Although I do feel better by having introduced her to Waiter Rant, at least that’s a positive influence.

Oatmeal Chocolate Chip Cookies August 25, 2006

I just had one of my favorite cookies - oatmeal chocolate chip.

Oh my goodness. They make me gleeful. How can you not love sweet chocolate with the built-in benefit of fiber. They’re almost healthy cookies.

My mouth is so happy right now.

Photo Friday: Circle August 25, 2006

This picture was taken at the Huntington Gardens in Pasadena, CA.

Bumper Crazy August 25, 2006

I will admit upfront I am not a bumper sticker kind of person. I don’t see the point. Now I’m not saying some aren’t funny, cute or interesting. But I don’t see the need to communicate with my car, my mouth usually gets me in enough trouble.

Now as I was driving down the street yesterday, the car in front of me had another opinion. They felt like 11 bumper stickers were needed to communicate for them, apparently they had a lot to say. Now granted it’s all about Jesus and who doesn’t love him. But I wonder if being a bad driver make you a bad witness?

I think this is more annoying than the cars that have all the support ribbons on it.   

Goodbye to You August 24, 2006

I had someone call me today with the decision that we shouldn’t be friends right now.

It was hard to hear but I had to appreciate their boundaries and reasons. It is what they need to do for themselves. It was definitely very sad. But I completely understand.

Ending a relationship of any kind is never easy. I am in awe that they had the presence of their own need to be able to do it. I don’t often have that kind of courage. I have several relationships in my life that I just let fizzle out instead of being able to take the stand and just say this isn’t working for me, it isn’t what I want or need from you.

I’m proud of me for not giving in to what they needed me to be to stay in my life. It’s hard because it’s so easy to compromise but often I find that I’ve compromised myself right out of the relationship. I didn’t do that, so maybe we’re both growing and are out growing each other. That happens sometimes.

So instead I find myself in prayer for them that their life be flooded with God’s presence and love. I want them to experience His extravagant blessings and joy. Most of all I pray for their surrender to receive these gifts from His Spirit.

I will miss you. I will still think about you. I will still wonder how you’re doing.

Girls Dorm August 24, 2006

With all the changes at work people are changing cubicles to consolidate space. In our area we welcomed three new people today, who all happen to be women. So now we are a room full of loud, opinionated, smart woman ranging in age from 31 to 50-something. We have affectionately deemed it the girl’s dorm.

Men fear to enter our room and when they do they are quick to announce their presence, afraid of what they’ll hear or see. My boss entered as we were talking about shaving, he quickly exited and then called me from his office to come see him. Poor thing.

I am blessed to share space with them. It will be exciting to see what I can learn from them. This definitely makes going to work enjoyable.

D Day Results August 23, 2006

At the end of the day, I still have a job.

I was ready to leave. I don’t think I was prepared to stay. So I have an odd mix of emotion as I come to grips with what has happened.

Watching my friends lose their jobs was difficult. Walking into the conference room with the remainder of our team to try and regroup was strange. Knowing the task ahead of us as we carry on is overwhelming.

It’s easier to walk away. It’s easier to get a fresh start. There is hard work in staying after conflict, chaos and change, which applies to relationships, friendships, school and jobs. Staying for the transition and waiting to see what develops is scary. Again, this isn’t about the plans I have for my life but where God is leading.

Yet, I was willing to trust when I thought I was getting what I wanted, to leave. But I’ve realized its about my attitude and heart condition. I’ve been praying that God would change my circumstance, by opening other doors and letting me go, but it hasn’t changed. So maybe it’s time to change my attitude.

I don’t know. I remain confused, sad, distressed yet peaceful. Is that odd?

D Day August 23, 2006

Yesterday, our director confirmed the rumors that more layoffs would happen today.

We knew it was coming, we just didn’t know when and we didn’t know who. He told us last week not to worry that we were safe, but he couldn’t say that yesterday. He didn’t look many of us in the eye while giving a 40 minute speech on trusting God. So we didn’t know what to think, feel, say or do. All we could do was wait.

I was/am surprisingly not worried. Not because I want to lose my job, persay. And not because I really want to stay. But because I know who holds my future. He has plans for me and I can’t wait to see what they are. I’m also learning, in my old age of 31, that there are seasons of life. This is why we need to live every day to its fullest milking it of the joy, friendship, life and even sorrow, pain and distress.

I guarantee you that in those moments God has placed key people to be there with you while you experience it. It is during time like these that his presence is the most tangible, maybe to help you learn something specific about yourself or God. The question is are we open enough to receive how he is supporting us. The supernatural often happens in a touch, hug, kind word or laugh. So last night my department of five of my most favorite women and I went to the Sawdust Art Festival, dinner and desert at The Cheesecake Factory. We speculated, encouraged and most of all laughed. This is what I will miss if it is my turn to leave. Thank you God for teaching me to receive.

The day started on pins and needles. We really had no idea how it was going to happen. Again, we came together in laughter and encouragement of each other and those around us. We found out that it would be department by department. The first one was called in at 8:30 a.m. and six people were let go. Some cried. Some were in shock, others were angry and some were okay.

As the news rippled back to our department you could feel the waves of fear, uncertainty and sadness roll with it. Once we heard the names our hearts dropped. These are our friends and colleagues, this place won’t be the same without them.

We don’t know when the next round is and we don’t know what department is next. In total, we’ve heard 33 people will be let go. There are many more cuts to come today.

It is impossible to work.

What a strange day? These are the moments that you have to rest in God’s perfect plan and not the decisions of men. Only God knows the future and what lays before us. Praise him that he can use these experiences for our good and growth.

Two more departments have been called since I started this post, soon it will be our turn. My heart is racing, my stomach hurts and here we go.