Joan Fix April 30, 2006

I started watching season one of Joan of Arcadia last night. The memory of how great it is started to fade so I had to remind myself. There is such a depth of character and plot to this show.

There are so many layers: a family grieving Kevin’s accident, adjustment to a new town, teenage angst, Dad’s job and the cases he’s dealing with, Mom is finally persuing her passion of art. They’re all so real, with authentic emotions and believable problems. There are few shows that actually achieve this.

I’ve gotten through one of six DVDs. These episodes are about showing us how God works. He can’t break the laws of the universe that he set up. He doesn’t respond to the why questions, in fact he asks the questions. For him it’s not about religion but about fulfilling our nature. Not a physical nature but a metaphysical one, it’s about learning to live in our own skin and living in our uniqueness and that we were given specific gifts and talents that only we can provide the world. It’s about obedience to that. Wow!

Joan also learns how to see God in everyday life. God introduces himself to her as a cute, sarcastic guy, so that she’ll feel comfortable with him. God explains that he is beyond our comprehension and that he manifests in many ways. The key is learning how to recognize him.

Knowing these elements Joan learns that everything has an effect. Every action ripples out. It’s a question of how we effect the world around us. It is how God works through us. Fascinating opportunity for dialogue.

By listening to the audio commentary with writer/creator Barbara Hall I learned that this show was a long time in the making, but it didn’t really find its place until after September 11th. In a time when our country was open to spirituality, was searching for answers to why, wanting to know if there was any order to this seemingly chaotic world and Joan found her way to tv.

Hall has her own story with the material and how she came to write about it, starting with a fascination with Joan of Arc, a near death experience that lead her to believe in something bigger and an intrigue with the cross-section of science and metaphysics. All of these elements play a large role in her point of view with this series. This is her story as she works out the elements of her faith.

I miss this show. I didn’t agree with everything but it was always thought-provoking. If you haven’t seen it, run don’t walk to rent it or buy it.

Audio Commentary April 29, 2006

They say the benefits of DVDs are the superior picture and sound quality. For me it is the bonus features, not the deleted scenes but the audio commentary.

I wonder if I’m one of the few people that actually watches with the audio commentary on. I like to hear about the creative process, why they chose to do certain things or effects they are trying to create with different elements that I wouldn’t have otherwise noticed.

However by watching it I also gain trivial details to torture others with when they’re watching the movie. It’s fascinating to me to know that Bonnie Hunt cast almost every single member of her family in small roles in "Return to Me." Or how about the fact that they had to completely rework the intro to Wedding Date because they got carried away with the fog machine but didn’t have money to back and reshoot.

See isn’t that interesting. I suppose there are those that would say film like art should stand on its own. We should interpret it for ourselves and what the artist intended doesn’t matter once they release it.

I don’t agree. I think it gives me a more complete picture. The torturing of my friends with the details I learn, is just a side benefit

I’ve got the vapors April 29, 2006

Most days the vapors manifest in a Scarlett O’Hara sort of way. Today it’s all about vapors in the shower. Vapors filled with menthal, camphor and eucalyptus.

A couple of days ago I got my tell-tale sign of a cold coming - sneezing. I never sneeze otherwise. Yesterday the full-on nasal congestion, sinus headache and runny nose hit. I woke up this morning and those symptoms invited their friends sore throat, body aches and a little coughing. My box of sudafed came with a free sample of the Sudacare Shower Soother.

I tried it this morning and it rocks. From the moment you pop it in the water it works. Even down to the last little bits its emitting the vapors. I can now breathe a little better. It was worth it. I highly recommend it.

Movie Night April 29, 2006

What a great Friday night.

Chinese food.

Fun friends.

Lots of laughs.

When Harry Met Sally

It doesn’t get better than that.

Presence April 28, 2006

There are times in my life when God seems VERY far away. It feels like I’m praying and they never get farther than the ceiling.

Then are time where the air is electric and I feel like I’m just resting in his presence that seems to follow me everywhere.

That might seem weird but God is often found when we look for him and when we need him most. So yes that means he’s accessible all the time but given my streaks of independence and difficulty relying on his sustenance I tend to wander.

All that to say lately he’s been very near. I am in limboland waiting for my next step in life to begin. I know what I’m not doing but I’m not real clear on what I will be doing. Good thing I have great friends that are sustaining me through their faith cause I’m tired and weary. Through their confidence my faith is bolstered. Through their words of encouragement I am strengthened as I continue to wait.

It’s amazing how at these time of seeming dead ends that God helps us to wait. For me its the near constant stream of deadlines at work that help keep me focused as I wrap up my job.

Another way is through Starbuck’s cards. In Februrary work combined two buildings of people and stuff into one and there is not enough parking, so about 50 people volunteer to park off site. For their effort they get lots of little perks, such as gift certificates to Starbucks.

One of the guys participates gives me all of his freebies. John is old enough to be my dad and is just a very genuine, caring person. We went to the same grad school. I introduced him to the wide wonderful world of blogging and we have great doctrinal conversations about Catholicism. I just really like him.

Today when he handed me his latest gift certificate I said thank you and asked why he gave them to me. He just smiled and said cause he wants to. No strings, just compassion. He is helping me wait, not through free cups of coffee but through friendship, care and concern.

It is these small moments of divinity in our humanity that make God seem nearer. I am suddenly more cognizant of these fleeting moments that often go unnoticed. How many did I miss? No idea but I know that right now they are sustaining me. It is how I know God is near, through those around me that show me love. Maybe I’m learning to develop gratitude for the little things that will help change my attitude enough to be ready for the big decisions.

Red Microwave April 26, 2006

You know it really is the small things that make life worth living.

My favorite color is red. The place where I display most of my love for the color red is my kitchen.  I have a red coffee pot, can opener, crockpot, canisters, utensil holder, paper towel dispenser, napkin holder, food processor, toaster, rug, and towels.

Did I mention I love red?

Over the weekend I found a red microwave from Target (whose primary color incidently is red) for only $65. It’s perfect!! I love it. It makes me little-kid-knowing-they’re-going-to-Disneyland happy just to look at it.

I need some of that

MK Connection April 25, 2006

Tonight I got to have dinner with a friend from Nashville. She works with me and as our official photojournalist is out here in LA about once a month. But more than just a co-worker and friend she is an MK and as Erika says that means insta-bond.

We ventured to the Orange Circle to Felix’s Continental Cafe. It has the best Cuban food in Orange County. The area is also very picturesque. It is where they filmed the town scenes for That Thing You Do. It is quintissential 50’s Americana. Kind of an odd place for Cuban food but it was very tasty.

Soon our conversation turns to MK things and you just laugh, that’s all you can do. With no one else can you talk about exorcisms, church politics and the ability to move at the drop of a hat in casual conversation. We understand the nuances and issues being an MK causes. It’s awesome.

Good food. Good conversation. Good times.

Mirror of Self Image April 25, 2006

I was watching a program tonight on young girls that are obsessed with their looks.

A three-year old screaming and crying because she’s not pretty. A five-year old paranoid she’s going to get fat and won’t eat ice cream. A teen model that shatters mirrors because she’s convinced she’s too ugly to look at.

You’d think they were making it up but they weren’t. There was video of the toddler crying because she needs make up. We watched the five year old point out who is worthy and not worthy on the street based on their weight. The teen model sat and sobbed with sheer desperation on her face to feel comfortable in her own skin.

It is an epidemic in our celebrity-obsessed culture. We are creating/educating/training a new generation of women to think they have to have plastic surgery to be beautiful. They grow up believing that they aren’t enough just as they are. With this comes issues of self worth and self confidence. Where does that come start? How did their view of self get so distorted? Can we blame the media or is the impetus closer to home?

A psychologist on the show started with the mothers. How did they see themselves. I’m sure you can guess that they too had distorted body images and they struggled with anorexia, feeling fat, ugly and unworthy.

It’s interesting that as girls we learn how we’re to be loved from our fathers and our mothers provide the foundation for how we see ourselves.

Our mothers are our first mirror. They are our primary caregiver for the most formative years of our lives and how they see themselves is a reflection on how we learn to see ourselves. In some respect we absorb their self-talk. We soak in their self-image. They reflect back to us what they know and it’s often negative and passed on from their mother.

These examples seem a little extreme but think of the little messages we pick up from our famillies about how we look, what we’re supposed to look like, what’s acceptable and what isn’t. We don’t have to walk around breaking mirrors to have seeds of self-doubt, wishing we looked like a model.

How many women truly believe they’re beautiful just as they are. We all have areas we want to work on and things we wish we could change. When is it enough? When will we be happy/content with who we are and what we look like or is it a never-ending battle with ourselves?

This seems overwhelming but on some level it’s really not. Half the battle is being aware. What’s sad is when the lie is perpetuated and we don’t stop it. When you can start to pinpoint where some of the negative talk comes from you can begin to train your mind to think differently. It is all about replacing the tapes in your head. Unfortunately it’s work. It isn’t done overnight and progress isn’t immediate.

This is where it is so helpful to have great friends and mentors that will help you rise up and overcome. Then as women it’s crucial for us to bond together, build one another up and make sure we’re doing the same for the next generation. We need to combat the images in the media and the distorted sense of self we obtain from our families.

Dove is doing a campaign to promote real beauty - check it out www.campaignforrealbeauty.com.

1st Country Music CD April 24, 2006

Normally and usually I hate country music. I don’t like the twang. I don’t like the stories. I end up feeling depressed and listless if I listen to too much of it. But after the Oprah interview with Faith Hill and Tim McGraw, that Jenn had me watch, I have to say that I like their stuff.

Tim being easy on the eyes helped my situation but that aside his songs, While the Wind Blows By, When the Stars Go Blue and She’s My Kind of Rain are some of my new favorites. I was happy to see that they were all on the Greatest Hits Vol 2 CD so I downloaded it from itunes.

Now just because I succomb to one CD, I promise you, a country music fan I am not.

On Saturday I drove down to San Diego with Jen and she was blasting tunes from Rascal Something, Willie Whozit and Brad, the husband of Michelle Williams, and I thought my ears were going to bleed. I really couldn’t take one more minute. I thought I was going to die. It just offends me somehow. I don’t get into the majority of it. I don’t know what it is.

Maybe it’s an acquired taste. Joanna insists that I like more country than I know. Who knows.

But I am enjoying my new Tim McGraw CD.

Fun Times at the Dealer April 21, 2006

I’m sitting now at the dealership waiting for a new key to be cut for my car.

Why would I need a new key you ask? Well the service manager locked my only one in the car. Nevermind that they installed the alarm system, why would they remember that it automatically locks after 15 secs?

So no, the work hasn’t begun yet. The good thing is that the service is free. One of the incentives to buy my car at this particular location was that they offered free oil changes for life. Granted each time I come I end up spending more than three hours. Not a place I would intentionally spend so much time.

So this is not a fun way to spend the afternoon. Then again they have an open wireless conection, so that’s good. See how I’m trying to spin it for the positive. I’m turning over a new leaf I tell ya - trying to be grateful and see things from a new perspective.

This is my new go with the flow mentality. We’ll see how it works. It’s no big deal right? I can’t control this, things just happen. Never mind that they didn’t even apologize. I’m beginning to think my free oil service is too expensive.