Someone will die, it might be me July 22, 2008
Ok, I’ve realized that the biggest downside to parenting is the monotony. Your life is pretty much the same week in and week out - down to the arguments. I could script out the daily battles I have with my nephews - the first is over what kind of cereal to eat, the second is who will go first in the shower, then who is touching who in the car and another favorite is who controls the tv. Everyday. It’s the same. There isn’t a day that goes by that they don’t fight about these things - and more.
Today we entered a new level of arguing, fighting, irritation, fear and ridiculousness.
On the way home from swim class they were fighting over who was touching who and I had enough. I declared a “no talking” zone. So they decided to make noise with everything else in the car - door locks, window buttons and kicking the back of the chair. No amount of talking, reasoning or yelling would get them to settle down or more importantly SHUT UP.
Well in Jordy’s attempt to make noise with the door handle he actually opened the door. That’s right, going down the freeway at 65 mph Jordy opened the car door. I could feel the wind coming into the car.
My heart sank but it didn’t even phase him. He actually thought it was funny. So did his brother. I wanted to pull over the car and beat him senseless. He didn’t get how dangerous this was. I will admit there was severe yelling in the car.
Once we got home, they resumed their usual fight about who was going to shower first - even though I set up a schedule and it is clearly marked on the freakin’ calendar.
Now it’s the lunch battle. Who has more and who can eat the fastest are the flavor of the day. But then they really start to get into it. Someone is again touching someone else and it escalates to Mikey spitting a mouth full of food into Jordy’s hair and Jordy dumping juice all over Mikey.
I don’t even know what to do. They aren’t my kids. They don’t listen to me. So they had to eat in separate areas and then they spent about 40 minutes alone in their rooms. I just needed a break. I needed silence. I needed a valium and a drink.
I think anyone who is under the delusion that they want children should spend two weeks with actual children. It’s the warm fuzzy desire to give love and nurture that next generation that causes rational people to procreate. Because children will suck every last piece of life from your body. They will remove your ability to speak intelligently and you’re reduced to stuttering and general confusion. They will drive you to want to bang your head on the wall repeatedly until you are rendered unconscious.
I love my nephews. I really do. But I liked it better when I was just the fun aunt who swooped in with presents and a good time. I’m tired. I am bone weary tired and I need a break from them. I never thought I would say that, but I do.







